Selective Cynicism

Sometimes...

2008-09-21T17:57:00.000-06:00

... I wish I was a stronger person.

2008-04-23T22:54:00.001-06:00

I had ice cream for dinner today.

Because I can.

Sometimes it's great to live on your own.

Nerdgasm

2008-04-06T21:22:00.003-06:00

Bad pic, I know... But I had a nerdgasm so the pic quality is irrelevant.

On a side note, work is great. New boss is different. Work load is getting a little gross (removing grass becomes a little repetitive, but at least I have good conversation while we work). New sod comes in a week... eww. The members at the course plan on helping... "helping"... Bless their hearts but I'll believe it when I see it...

Went to beerfest. Cheap beer. It was like I was in first year again. Saw michael rault. He wasn't with his backup band (weird) so I might have to make another attempt before I pass judgement, but it left a little to be desired... maybe not, but it wasnt what i was expecting...

I'm seeing a financial planner, who's going to be discussing what sort of RRSP's are within my budget... if they are at all XD Should be interesting.

And... umm... yup

Work is Wprk

2008-03-23T23:58:00.002-06:00

So I kinda quit working at the warehouse.

Monday I wasn't feeling well, but the foreman guilted me into staying my full shift.

Tuesday I woke up and still wasn't feeling peachy keen, so I phoned in to tell them I wouldn't be there.

Wednesday I woke up and felt better for having missed a day at the warehouse so I decided to take another. Thankfully I got the answering machine so I didnt have to play sick.

Wednesday afternoon I decided that having that many days off it was going to be rough to get back into the schedule so...

Thursday morning I just didn't go.

OH NOES! A no-call no-show! That's going to go on my record...

So I don't work there anymore... Just gotta get my roommate to take in my nametags when he goes to work.

The good news is I'm not unemployed... In 8 hours I will be at the Golf Course again! Yay!

yup... that's an update.

Regarding the Worst Job in the Universe

2008-03-09T04:30:00.004-06:00

Well. maybe it's not the worst job in the universe, but it can be quite terrible...

I work in a warehouse atm. Please check your brain at the door. If I do happen to stumble into consciousness in the hours I am there, I want to tear open a box of whatever is nearest me (usually kitty litter, for some unfortunate reason) and find a creative way to kill myself...

Not because of an overwhelmingly urge to die. Just because killing myself in a creative way would require slightly more brain activity then anything else I could do in that building.

Seriously. It's like watching "EXTREME EXPLOSIONS 6" on Fox, that's how much thought it requires.

I called in sick the other day.

Not because I was sick, mind you. It was because I couldn't prepare myself for the boredom.

The golf course will be open soon... I got a "soon" phone call last week... Thank god... I don't know if I can make it much longer.

Wow!

2008-01-29T00:11:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to say that Edmonton looks fucking BEAUTIFUL at -30C.

Seriously, I wish I had a high quality camera so I could document it for you readers... but it's surreal how awesome my view is from our balcony.

Early Morning Update

2008-01-23T06:14:00.000-07:00

So watching those sympathy shows (and some of them being of the girly tear-jerk variety) I saw a symptom of a condition which really hit home:

"Older children and adults with [this disability] perform worse on tests of face recognition."

I of course became highly paranoid. I'm notoriously bad at recognizing people, even close friends, if they go through dramatic superficial changes. Most peoples though process is as follows:

This person looks familiar.
This is Martha.
Martha's hair is different.

my process is usually:

This person is looks familiar.
This person is looking at me like I know them.
STALL! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STALL!!!
...
Is that Martha?

Of course this doesn't happen too often with people I know well... but with people I don't see very often it happens all the time.

I locked myself out of my apartment Friday night. I had walked back from Rea's after swimming. I needed my magnetic card in order to get into the building, the magnetic card that I keep in my wallet, the wallet I didn't take with me swimming.

Conveniently my roommates were off gallivanting in hickvilles across the province... So I couldn't buzz to wake them up. Also, the 24-hour security on our building... is.. well... LAME... no one answered the phone... So I did what any logical person would.

I ventured out into the cold once again (at 2.30am, mind you). Skulking through the shadows I approached the ground floor suite of one of the nearby apartments. I then proceeded to bang on the window, waking the inhabitant of the apartment, and demanded they provide me a place to sleep. Never even considering no for an answer, I proceeded to make fun of their choice of video games, and pass out on their couch and sleep in as late as I possibly could (I could have woken up much much earlier, but making someone feel like a prisoner in their own home is a lot more fun).

This person, of course, ended up being Morgan... And I probably scared her half to death when I was banging on her windows (not that she lives in a sketch neighborhood or anything...

Define screening your calls? I never answer my phone if it's a number I don't recognize, but I don't really see that as screening. Especially since if I'm at home, my phone is not usually in a place where I'll notice it ring.

To make matters worse, the person who accused me of screening my calls, and (implied) being a flake is... well... kind of a hypocrite

And it's not that I'm intentionally missing his calls, not that I feel I have much to say. I'm not particularly keen on jumping back into a friendship that hasn't existed for two years, particularly when he (more or less) said "btw I'm not gonna give you any contact information" right before he left.

I wish my eczema would go away. It's gross. I like winter and all, but when you get patches of dry irritated skin that react poorly to dry cold weather (to the point where it's often painful to go outside), you don;t really get a chance to enjoy it.

At least the view from my apartment is nice.

What happens...

2007-11-12T01:41:00.000-07:00

...when you [bleep] a word?

Especially an innocent word from an innocent song?

You get a reason for me to post twice in a day

gdzujk

2007-11-12T00:03:00.001-07:00

Is it alright to be a little bit sad that a few hours from now, I will wake up and instinctively go right to my computer to check the weather forcast/radar imagery, knowing full well that it hasnt rained enough to cancel work more than twice in the last six months and that today probibly won't be an exception so I should eat some breakfast anyways and put on some warm clothes, maybe two pairs of socks today, get my unicycle out from the closet and start heading to work...

...only to remember that friday was my last day of the season...

As much of a pain as it was to drag myself out of bed every morning (especially when your boss is mad at you cuz you pissed off one of the important members) I am gonna miss the GC over the winter...

Oh well

here are some songs to cheer me (and you) up:

I Feel Fantastic - Jonathan Coulton
(cuz honestly what is more fun then medicating yourself into a state of perpetual bliss?)

and

KlanKooKout - Bo Burnham
(satire is funny... especially... well... offensive satire...)

Too Good Not To Share

2007-11-03T15:50:00.000-06:00

My WHole Family.. - Bo Burnham

Not to be outdone by -j

2007-10-25T23:58:00.000-06:00

I listen to a lot of radio... a lot of radio...

some days it's the only thing that keeps me sane whilst my employer, my coworks, the golfers, and complete strangers make fun of me (LOTS OF LEAVES MADE IT OVER THE FENCE!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! ***SOBSOBSOB***)

anyways...

The radio station I listen to is often quite hillarious... They have a weekly DnD report that makes me feel... well... I associate with it (especially the jokes about being a gnome)...

but ulimately, the reason I stick with the station I do is the songs they play... It's amazing how much some songs can really pick up the day, or make me a lot less bored (depending on the day, really) here's a selection of my favourites...

First off Muse -Supermasive Black Hole
favourite line "you're the queen of the superficial, but how long before you tell the truth?"

this song is a mixture of dark and falsetto with just the right mixture of catchy techno-esque sound which in my mind redeems muse from the trainwreck that is "starlight" (that song makes me gag and really turned me off muse for a while)

Next up is... umm... well... I couldnt find a proper video for it (cuz live performace + youtube = vomit) but here is Radiohead - Bodysnatchers... not even worth explaining why I like it since it doesnt shine in this video >.<

fave lyrics "I have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm trapped in this body and can't get out"

Next up is Rise Against - All the Good Left Undone

probibly the catchiest song (assides from the next one, but I'm getting ahead of myself) since it's the only one I can actually sing along with... I've always appreciated rise against and the contribution their songs have made to sonics play list, so here it is...

oh yeah... fave lyrics "I believe in angels, not the kind with wings, no not the kind with halos; the kind that bring you home when home becomes a strange place"

If you've ever seen me thrashing about like a retard for no apparent reason it's wither because I've tripped, fallen, and accidentally swalled a piece of orange that was on the ground... or I am "dancing" to this next song (no... not actually sancing... but the beat definately gets to me a little more than it should)...

The lyrics are retardidly cheesy, and the song has little to no value other than being the song that makes me squeal with girlish delight...

Beck - Timebomb

(fave lyric... well... for lack of a valid option... "tick tick tick")

Against Me - Thrash Unreal

I'm getting tired.. so... I like this song?

favorite lyrics: "they dont know a thing about redemption, they dont know a thing about recovery, some people just arent the type for marriage or a family"

Still sleepy, but wanna get one more song off...

Jimmy Eat World - Big Casino

fave lyrics (because I belt it out when I'm stuck on a machine all day at work) "I have one last wish, and it's from the heart, let me down easy"
(music video embedding disbaled)

I laughed at work today.

2007-09-26T22:58:00.000-06:00

The theme today for the radio station I listed to was "fashion"... so people call in and request songs that have to do with the topic and the DJ picks a few of them to play during the lunch hour.

This song made me laugh... and think...

LAZYBOY - Underwear Goes Inside The Pants

Why is marijuana not legal?
Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons.
That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.I
f everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"
"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is? Obesity.
They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio.
Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."
Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized.
Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker.
There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,"You'll see. I'm going to take over the world of computers! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys.
Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do?
Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack?
He's homeless.

I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says "why don't you go get a job you bum."
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants.
I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.I
'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.

Grandeur

2007-09-24T20:39:00.000-06:00

Post Secrets is an amazing tool.

I use it to laugh, reflect, dream, laugh, cry, laugh, and be inspired.

One that really hit me was from a week or two (or three) ago was a guy, simply holding a sign saying something along the lines of "I truely believe that some day I'm goig to change the world"

I think that applies to me as well... I don't know how, and I dont know what... But theres just a feeling deep inside that despite all my laziness, I'm intended for greater things...

Yup... was thinking about that I was playing wow tonight.

Just Do It

2007-09-18T17:29:00.000-06:00

Yes... work stuff is fun... Video games are fun... Toga parties are fun... Thats my life in a cookie jar

BC party

2007-09-07T12:54:00.000-06:00

So at the risk of offending people in BC that I havent seen since arriving the other day (and possibly wont see due to the busyness and nature of my visit) here I am.

I've spent most of my trip out here quite sick. First it was because of the rapid and all-encompassing strip-mall-ification of my home town... Swear to god, I love starbucks... but theres like 11 more within walking distance of my parents house... and my parents live on a farm which is moderately well removed from from the city (although they do have city water, dsl internet connections, mail boxes, and garbage pick-up... all those modern conveniences I didnt get in my 12 years living here)

But yes... and if it isnt a strip mall, its a cancerous growth of townhomes... Don't worry folks... 300k will get you a nice little starter townhome with a LOVELY view into the bedroom of the exact same townhouse across the 14' wide alley (from both the front and back)

My parents dog's hate me... well... the jack russel terrier does... she just snarls and bites whenever I am nearby. The chiuauas just pee... on whatever and whoever is near them when I am around...

Yup...

I suppose I should make the most of my visit and get off the computer. I dedicate this video to Matty, Amb-sie-poo, and -J...

Yes Yes, My life is Sad

2007-08-06T23:59:00.000-06:00

I have accepted the fact that in many ways I am a sad pathetic person. That being said, (regardless of the activity) if you devote the better part of 5 weeks on something, something that only a few thousand people in the world have done, it's gratifying and satisfying to have it done. So I present to you a screenshot of our Kael'thas Sunstider kill.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, that tall gangly pink haired troll is me. And around me are 24 of the 30 or so people who are as sad and pathetic as I am. Be happy for us.

A Message for the E-Stalkers

2007-07-26T00:03:00.000-06:00

I think I've been getting too much vitamin D as of late... I really need a week or two where I can lock myself indoors...

My tanlines are becomming unhealthy, really they are.

I spent near all of my sparetime these last few days watching a show called Dexter. And I'm sure all the highlands people are tired of hearing about it, but I really do feel that show is the best I have seen in a long time (thanks pastor 'drew).

The premise is the life and adventures of a csi-style blood-spatter-analysis guy. The twist is he's a sociopath witha desire to kill, and uses his relations within the police force to track down and murder serial killers.

The characters are all so... developed? I dunno. They feel like real people, and interact how you would expect real people would react. All of them.

The show is graphic (think if CSI didnt have to worry about being syndicated for a 1pm afternoon slot) and a lot of the time the only thing that gets you through it is the fact that the sociopathic protaganist gets his jollies from a crime scene (btw, I should mention that if you have a queasy stomache, this show probibly wont be for you... it gets pretty grotesque).

The entire first season was rivetting. I honestly couldn't wait to watch the next episode (even though I had to) and now I cant wait for it to get on DVD so I can watch it again with the bonus features...

Yup...

I should probibly sleep...

Everyone be aware that August first is take back the rainbow day... feel free to ask for an explainatio)

O.M.G.

2007-07-19T22:29:00.001-06:00

First off I heard a little girl yesterday say "Look mommy! he's riding a unipopcicle"

second is... this video... mesmerizing

Gonna try to be deep

2007-07-14T16:34:00.000-06:00

I dislike being told that I don't understand, or worse yet that I can't understand. Sometimes it's justified and it's something I won't understand even if I really really try (the female hormone cycle, for example... It's one of those things you can't really understand until it's happened to you... thankfully for me it hasn't).

I had someone offload on me the otherday about the problems they have with they're own body image. I did my best to remain sympathetic and let her do most of the talking, but she ended it with "I dunno why I'm telling you this, you won;t understand". I interjected and asked what she could possibly mean, and what it boiled down to was - Neal is skinny, therefore Neal should be exempt from problems with body image.

This has bothered me, and since this is my blog, I'm gonna share a few things.

I am really REALLY skinny. With the exception of a few months (maybe closer to a year) in my entire life, I have been at a body weight that most people would consider unhealthy.

I can touch my middle fingers and thumbs around my upper thigh, and am within a few inches of being able to do it around my waist.

I am very skinny.

I also suffer from poor body image; Some days I look in the mirror and see myself as so skinny I feel natious. Some days I look in the mirror and see drooping and jiggling where I don't feel I should.

On days when I do feel good about myself, I am often bombarded by people like myself in the media. People my size are usually stock characters, and we're not usually the guy that gets the girl, or the guy that saves the day (with a few exceptions). We are nerdy. We are unsocialized. We are ridiculed. And we are instantly identified by our size.

Some days I wish I was the guy with the rock hard abs, walking around with no shirt on as all the ladies swoon while I pass.

I dont really know where I'm going with this... But I hope I made some sort of point... Western society bombards us all with unattainable goals of appearance, and then mock us when we can't get there. None of us are exempt. If you dont believe me, watch a show like "americas next top model" or "project runway" and listen to what the models say "my collar bone sticks out too much" "my torso is too long" "my knees are too fat" "my nose is too big"... These people, who are paid to be epitomy of perfection, are just as insecure as any of us... So please don't say I won;t understand...

2007-07-05T15:05:00.000-06:00

I cut grass, I eat I sleep...

On another note, several of my viewers have wondered what the original soundtrack to that last video I posted could possibly be...

I think the rap fits better =P

Update

2007-06-25T23:11:00.000-06:00

Yes yes... I'm sorry..

Theres really just not that much going on in my life... unless you wanna hear all about grass or A'lar...

You do?

Grass is good... but I think it's funny that I'm allowed to mow the grass in the mornings, but as soon as someone needs to mow it in the afternoon "omg! you've never double cut before! oh noes! is there someoneone else! omg omg omg omg!!!"

I got employee of the week too! All I did was not screw up as much as I normally do, and pretend to think for myself... More or less the sam things that got me through high school...

Warcrack is going well... our progress is picking up and I have some sweet ass lootz...

yeah..

I'm moving on thursday... should be FUN! woot woot!

I hate moving... but I think I would hate living on the streets even more...

Movingin with Zach for those of you who don't know... He was my roommate second year of college... probibly the only person who playe more videogames then me...

Yup... my life is le boring...

So if you've ever wondered "what would happen if I took some archived movies of 1960's choreography and played modern rap overtop of the video" boy do I ever have the video for you...

I assure you this video WAS NOT made for this song... Which makes it all the more amazing

Full swing

2007-05-11T18:57:00.000-06:00

Things are almost back to "normal" at the golf course... which is nice...

My days are mostly spent off in my own little world on or behind some sort of mower listening to music...

The radio is my best friend again... and of course there are a few songs I truely adore...

Since I dont have anything to blog about... here are those songs... Enjoy

Peter, Bjorn and John (ft Victoria Bergsman) - Young Folk

The Fratellis - Flathead

Plain White Tees - Hey There Delilah

Tim Armstrong - Into Action (Ft Skye Sweetnam)

SOme of the videos are cheese, I know... but at least the songs are catchy XD

Grass

2007-04-30T20:36:00.000-06:00

So... we spend weeks upon weeks fretting over grass...

"It's too cold to take the tarps off"
"oh noes! it's dead"
"work the seams"
"it's too wet"
"It's too dry"
"get 'er done"
"looking good"

Just when I thought it was safe (afterall, all the sod was down) a new twist

"Neal! Take the new guy and bury all the sod with sand"

Well... thats not what he said, but thats what he wanted us to do...

SO we managed to get 3.75 greens covered... The biggest one required about 500 lbs (I kid you not) of sand to complete... All of which needed to be scooped from buckets by hand and placed on the greens in an organised pattern...

Now the first problem, is each bucket of sand weighs about as much as I do (I can support myself from a bar with one hand, but I could barely support the bucket with two)

The second problem was my coworker... He's new, and seems afraid... I dont know what, but even my bosses assistant (the one who's usually quite keen on the "no talk =>better work" theory) comment on how quiet he was...

I tried for 4 hours (really I tried) but to no avail. He plays handbells... but wouldnt talk about them... he's taking science at school... but wouldnt talk about that... He's a christian... still nothing to talk about... He likes outdoorsy activities... but nothing came out of that either(I dont know what I could add to a conversation about that... so maybe it is my fault)...

Eventually I gave up and listened to the radio...

At least he's a really hard worker and follows directions well...

I dont know if I could have made it an entire day if the conversationw as lacking AND we couldnt accomplish anything...

Ugly Postcard Competition

2007-04-29T23:41:00.000-06:00

A little bit about this historical competition...

It was started many years ago by a creepy (very) old man, named Scott, who ended up being shipped off to colorado for the summer as a job placement (fun!)

He made the request, and his friends complied, and out of this came the ugly postcard competition (if any of you would like to add to the history of this, feel free to do so)...

Anyone can participate... Just send in an ugly post card... You don't actually have to know any of us, or anything about Edmonton, or Canada... if you are reading this, you are eligble...

a few prize catagories are (but not limited to)
Ugliest postcard
First runner up
Second runner up
Best Effort
Ugliest postcard sent in by a pirate
Ugliest postcard sent in by a ninja
AND from Amber's addition last year
Prettiest postcard!! (its the blooper prize)

So yes...

Send now, send often...

J. Jassmann
c/o Our Saviour Lutheran Church
795 West Island Highway
Parksville, British Columbia
V9P 1B9

after august you will have to send your postcards to

11164 69th street
Edmonton, AB
T5B 1R4

Moved

2007-04-28T23:14:00.000-06:00

New place, high above the city... Even the refinieries look pretty at night.

Accepting housewarming gifts!

Need to sleep (leaving early for work since I dont know how long it'll take me to peddal there...

Neal

<3

2007-04-28T00:28:00.001-06:00

It's nice to be on a mower again...

all this manual labor was getting tiresome

Sod

2007-04-25T21:02:00.000-06:00

How to Sod a Golfcourse

So... You start by cutting up a dead green and seperating the two types of grass 1) dead grass 2) moderately less dead grass

Put the dead grass in a compost pile, put the less dead grass in a neat pile all rolled up.

Load less dead grass in a cart and move it off to a shady loaction.

Unroll less dead grass in predeterminded shady location.

Get told less dead grass is too unorgansised.

Roll less dead grass, move over two feet, unroll (repeat ad infinitum)

Decide on location of where less dead grass should go.

Roll less dead grass.

Put less dead grass in cart.

Get told there are two types of less dead grass, both of which you now have in cart.

Transport both less dead grass.

Unroll less dead grass.

Sort less dead.

Roll one of less dead grasses, unroll the other less dead grass.

Transport the rolled less dead grass and transport it back to start.

Unroll transported less dead grass.

Return to less dead grass.

Cut less dead grass until sufficient amounts are of relatively equal lengths.

Place less dead grass in appropriate location.

Cut less dead grass so the pieces fit.

Find more less dead grass from a different location (which ends up being the first location but a different first location)

Put new less dead grass with old less dead grass (at appropriate location)

Roll up unused less dead grass.

Return to different first same location.

Unroll less dead grass.

Return to other less dead grass.

Place other elss dead grass in cart.

Find other less dead grass, and slightly living grass, throw in same cart as otger less dead grass.

I've been earning my wage, you better belive it.

Soup... and not the edible kind

2007-04-04T15:44:00.000-06:00

So the weather left the parts of the course we needed to drive on in quite a state...

A least 6 inches of swamplike mud on all of the non paved paths... Everythig is filthy...

It's still cold... but it's a bareable cold now...

Indeed

Work work work

2007-04-03T05:03:00.000-06:00

Why, oh why, does it have to start snowing the day I start working outdoors again?

*shudder*

at least i remembered two pairs of gloves (oherwise it would have been way too cold)

Work is good. Everyone has gotten back into the routine of making fun of me (ah ha ha ha ha... neal doesn't have his drivers liscense lets stand around and make him park all the workmans... bwahahahah...)

Other than that, everything is pretty enjoyable.

The fences came down a lot faster than they went up, the hay is a lot easier to deal with when you're not trying to spread it evenly, and picking up garbage when there isnt waist high grass isn't my least favourite chore.

Theres a new guy whos started today with me. He asked me if we normally got to take so many breaks (no we dont) so I hope he doesnt get to used to the 45 minutes of work 45 minutes of break routine.

Oh, and for those of us retouring to Highlands this eyar (or those of you joining us)... The snow came to quick so the ground didnt have time to freeze before it was insulated. Almost all the greens have severe winter kill, and we will be resodding... A LOT of resodding (when I asked in comparison to last year, they laughed and told me we barely did any sodding last year) *shudder*

on a very light note

An update

2007-04-01T06:52:00.000-06:00

...

Yup...

that's about everything...

Work starts at the golf course on monday (although checking the weather, I hope thats still the case)

I am terribly excited...

Can you watch it with a straight face?

2007-03-01T04:21:00.001-07:00

What not to do...

2007-01-30T13:06:00.000-07:00

Note for all my readers...

When people are walking down a dark deserted street, a flash of bright light WILL draw their attention... This is an unavoidable fact...

So if you are in a ground floor bedroom turning on the lights with the blinds open before you put on any sort of clothing...

I mean, I don't want to sound like a prude, but I was just as surprised as they were...

The truth

2007-01-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

Have you ever told someone how you really truely felt?

Sometimes it takes a lot of courage, but it usually ends up paying off... right?

I told my boss how I felt...

I don't appreciate being told, on one hand, that if I treat the druggies the crackheads and thw whores any different than any of the rest of the customers I'll be fired, but, on the other hand, being told that I'm being too nice to the widower who's son has left her to California to live happily with his wife...

And then not being told the work schedual more than 48 hours in advance (that's right folks I was schedualed to work sunday morning... but I wouldn't have found that out until I went into work at 11pm on friday night... giving me all of 34hours between when i got off and when I started...)

needless to say i said no to that idea...

Actually... I didnt say no... I said never... I also said something along the lines of "if I'm expected to do my job then why the hell aren't you doing your job"...

So keeping up with that tradition...

You're a crazy bitch... and living in the same house with you has been the bane of my existence for the last two months... No, I dont think your behaviors are normal or justified; in fact I think childish and deviant are much more accurate.

I swallow my toungue every time you ask me for advice because telling the truth would make our living situation that much more unbearable.

And no, I didn't want this FUCKING bed in my goddamn room...

That's why it's never been set-up...

In fact I'll return it soon...

Enjoy...

God that felt good

On the plus side... only a few more months til I move out...

=D

Been Tagged...

2007-01-05T10:11:00.000-07:00

First a note..

I truely hate my job... I hate the customers, who are the emitomy of slime and make me think twice of the social programs I would normally support without question... I dislike my boss who's only form of discipline is writing a note in a book for everyone to see detailing what stupid thing you've done wrong with no advice on how to recitify the situation or how to follow proper protocol... I hate a lot of my cowokers... well... I dont hate the ones that are still here, but 4 have quit/been fired/given notice since I started a month ago... not too shabby considering we started with 11 employees...

yes..

so...

Being tagged appears to imply that I have to share 6 random things about me... I shall try my best to be completely random...

1) The first thing I do whenever I turn on my computer is disable quicktime... I know there are ways to permanently disable, or simply stopping it from automatically starting up on login, and I've done both... but for so long I've been logging in and turning it off that it doesn't feel like my computer if I don't do it (so I set it back)

2) When I feel sad or lonely I stare at my desktop picture... the bird looks as sad and lonely as I feel some days... it makes me feel better...

3) I like my sneakers to be exceptionally grubby... My last pair of converse looked awsome, but I had to stop wearing them most of the time cuz I wore holes in the leather... dirt and stains are cool by me, but holes make you look poor...

4) Wolf blass is (and has been for a while) my favourite winery... I would drink it by the barrelful if I had the money

5) The smell of stale coffee is almost as effective as the smell of oranges at making me feel queezy... who would have thought something I <3 so much could have something in common with something I
6) I've prayed the rosary more times in the last month than I've "normal" prayed... Despite what I may not like of the Catholic church, the rosary is a very helpful prayer tool... today I will be covering the sorrowful mysteries...

And since it appears I get to tag people myself... I will choose randomly... Morg-o, Lauren, Vince, Chelsea... i don't know how many I'm supposed to randomly choose... 4 seems like a nice low random number...

Life Story (and then some)

2006-12-14T07:41:00.000-07:00

We have a regular customer whom I know to live nearby our house...

Ove the last weeks she has come in every day and chatted about nothing..

Today she offered me a ride home... Against my better judgement, I accepted (mostly cuz I know where she lives and shes a frail old lady who can barely see over the counter at the store)...

I kinda wish i hadn't..

She ambushed me with pictures and photo albulms and talked to me about Dieppe and her daughters wedding and her first ex husband and her best friends daughters husbands brother (literally... he's a police officer in St Paul)...

I should have walked..

Time it takes to walk, 8 minutes..

Time it takes to drive and be bored by stories, 48 minutes...

I was contemplating saying something like "LET ME OUT OF THE CAR PLEASE!!! I CAN SEE MY HOUSE FROM HERE!!!" but I suppose I'm too polite...

Not for lack of things to say

2006-12-13T19:10:00.000-07:00

I have plenty of stories... Believe me... I've probibly forgotten more entertaining stories in the last week than I've writeen about over the last 3.5 years..

But then we come to the reason why, if I have so many stories, my pages have been static the last few weeks..

Cuz I'm le tired and looking at words just doesnt do it for me when I'm tired...

But Morga requested and I shall oblige (more or less because I feel guilty about not dropping my rings off in person)...

But they shall be in point form..

- A middle aged man parked himself by the sandwich station and threw relish packets at me whenever my back was slightly turned to him..

- A meth addict snapped and went into a rage because I didn't have matches yet (apparently he should have known that I wouldnt have matches since they hadnt been invented yet)

- A lady of the night refused to pay for the sandwich she originally picked out because I had contaminated it (how did I contaminate it, you ask? by using the upc scanner)

- A guy came in begging us to give him change for the phonebooth.. the catch... he just wanted the money... he didnt want to exchange currency into a phonebooth friendly form... After begging and pleading and getting nowhere, he goes outside... comes back in 5 minutes later to rifle through our sandwich selection... We question him about his lack of money... "oh yeah"... he leaves... Comes back in, 5 minutes later... "Could I use your microwave? I forgot I had this sandwhich in my car"... Check... yup, it looks like one of our sandwiches... check... yup... one of our sandwhiches is missing from the rack (we had just recieved our nightly sandwhich order... so noticing out of place sandwhiches is pretty easy)... "no... please leave the sandwhich and leave..."

- A lady came in, purchased a few items, and then started to leave... paused... "didnt you say it was $13.74?" "yes ma'am..." "you only gave me 6.26..." *shakes head* "WELL?!?!" "well what?"
"aren't you gonna give me the rest of my change?" and it continued on from there...

Such is my life...

Love and Hate

2006-12-01T13:06:00.000-07:00

You know what I hate?

when all the raisins in your raisin bran are at the bottom of the box...

You know what I love?

when you reach the bottom of a box of rasin bran...

Today I reached the bottom...

I Laughed at a Customer Today...

2006-11-29T16:50:00.000-07:00

I hope I don't get trouble, cuz she seemed quite offended... But this is what happened...

She stormed into the store, grumpy as could be... walked right up to the counter and in a demanding way said,

"DO YOU GUYS SELL POP HERE?!"

as polite as I could I directed her to the display she had walked past to get to the counter, as well as the 40' floor to ceiling refrigeration unit at the back of the store (which, to my knowledge, is pretty standard to every convenience store of the last 50 years)...

She walked down the isle to the cooler, grabbed a few 2L of coke and then walked back...

"WHERE ARE YOUR FUCKING CHIPS?!"

And this is where I laughed... She was so angry... and she had just walked down the chip isle... 30' of chest height chips in an assortment of flavours lining both sides of her walk... But she couldn't be bothered...

and so I laughed...

I pointed at the chips, and I laughed...
(I was tired afterall)...

Good Intentions and Bad Conversations

2006-11-28T07:48:00.000-07:00

So I have a story to tell... Picture this:

I am on my way to work... Due to forgetting several items, and remembering them individually as I was exiting (or trying to exit), I was running a tad bit late...

I walked quickly to pick up the time I was short, which seemed to be working... for the most part...

Shuffle shuffle shuffle... "snow in my shoes... damn..." I think to myself "keep going... there will be plenty of time to fight off frostbite once I get to work"

"wait a second?" I pause briefly... "did I hear something"

"hwwwwwlp"

"Couldn't have been... need to get to work"

"hwwwwwlp... psssssssss... hwwwwwlp"

"Where is that comming from?"

I search the snowbanks around where I'm standing, and sure enough behind one of the parking lot piles is an elderly woman who had seemingly slipped on the ice and was unable to right herself...

The weather out tonight was breezy and cold (-27c/-10f... -40C/-40f when you factored in the wind) and as such she was visibly chilled. She was shaking slightly and wasn't able to talk without a slur...

First things first, make sure she doesn't have anything broken... I ask her if she hurt anything when she fell... Nope... I ask her if she thinks she will be able to walk... yup...

I offer to walk her to the store for some complimentary coffee so that she can warm up (it was, afterall the parkinglot for the store that she unrighted herself)... She refused...

So she spouted off an address... Took a few tries to understand it, but eventually we were on our way... She wasn't able to stand under her own power, but she seemed concious enough... So I kept her engaged in conversation as half carried her home...

A block away from the address she gave me, I asked her if anyone was home where we were going... "Yeeeees... buh dey asleeeee" she tells me... This I have a slight problem with...

Fair enough for them sleeping, it is late... But when she told me, she faced towards me while she spoke... Which I guess was the first time since our encounter had began...

Her mouth reeked of rum... It was far far too overpowering, and really unexpected...

And I'm sad to say my view changed.

All of a sudden, I'm not saving a sweet old lady from near death... I'm helping carry a drunk home from the bar...

I suppose it wouldn't have changed anything... She almost certainly needed my help regardless of her state... But a part of me felt used (like it was all in her plan... "I don't want to pay for a cab to go four blocks... I'll just sit in the snow near a busy store and get someone to carry me home")

I suppose it's a little wrong to change my view of the situation... I mean we all have our vices, and she was just as deserving of love and compassion as anyone... But a thank you would have been nice...

Instead of a thank you I got a "don't follow me to the door... you're not getting anything from me" (spoken in a thick drunken english)... As if the only reason I would do something nice to an old lady would be to steal stuff from her or take advantage of her afterwards...

I arrived to work late... and slightly bitter...

Work was good though... and my entertaining story of the night...

A "couple" comes into the store, and buys some cigarettes...

He says "Oh, crap... I should get condoms"...
She says "don;t worry about that... I have lots... But I want the cash up front!!!"
"what was that?" I ask.
"oh... nothing" he says.

They pay, then he goes to the bank machine... and then they leave...

...

20 minutes later...

...

She comes back in, uses the washroom, buys some more condoms, and leaves... In a different vehicle... With a different guy...

Eww??

Forgetfulness

2006-11-26T08:40:00.000-07:00

So I have officially "adjusted" to my new sleeping schedule... Which really isn't much different than my old schedule...

Old:

Stay awake... crash...

New:

Stay awake, go to work, crash...

but I am finding it hard to sleep past 11pm... after only 4 days, I cannot sleep in past my start time...

But I suppose I should get to the title of my post (because every once ina while I have a reason for the titles I choose)...

Last night I woke up, checked everyones blogs ('cept sharons... cuz she appears to haev broken her's again)... I then made myself breakfast and played a few videogames... Then I got bored... and checked to see if anyone had updated their blogs yet... which is silly, cuz I don;t know too many people assides from myself who would be updating their blogs between the hours of 2am and 6am...

But I did check... and I did check again...

I mean, there are some 30 blogs on my sidebar, so someone should be updating today right?

Yeah... it was when I checked all the blogs about an hour ago that it occured to me: "what the hell am I doing?"

And I thought I should share my lack of intelligence from the morning... Especially since I know most of you like to laugh at me (esp morgan and regan... they never stop laughing at me... so at least I'm considerate enough to give them good reasons)

Say what?

2006-11-25T16:37:00.000-07:00

I think a leprechaun came into the store...

A little old man (maybe 5'2" or so... but with the raised area behind the counter, he looked a lot shorter) curley orange hair that was turned mostly gray, a green jacket, and the thickest irish accent I have heard on this side of the atlantic...

No pot of gold though...

perhaps next time...

Random Conversations...

2006-11-24T10:18:00.000-07:00

I haven't quite got into the swing of things to start stories about outlandish things customers do...

Or perhaps there haven't been as many really stupid people...
(although I really do doubt that)

We had a severly creepy guy come into work today... He was drunk and old, and was hitting on the female employees...

Asking them out for dinner, talking about the girls he has had relaitions with that are a generation or two younger than him... You know... creepy stuff....

But as long as he keeps his distance, we try to ignore what he's saying... and it works... Until you get magical one liners... These are AWSOME pick-up lines btw... I don't know how my co-workers managed to keep their hands off of him...

"I've got a room rented at the Drake" (unfortunately, in cotext, this was not a proposition... which would have made it more creepy, and thus more entertaining)

"you only need to put in a few hundred hours work before you can get 'laid off' and start claiming EI" (hey ladies, He's single!)

"Just pretend I'm like your grandpa... it worked for my last girlfriend" (paraphrased of course, but this is general concensus of what he intended to say... his speech was slightly inhibited by his drinking)...

The girls eventually tired of him, and found jobs to do which removed them from the sales floor... He eventually grew tired of us ignoring him, and left...

Some peoples grandparents...

2006-11-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

Oh...

and did I mention the weather forcast for edmonton?

Monday
A mix of sun and cloud. Low minus 28. High minus 24.
(for the more accurate weather site...)

MON NOV 27 -25°C -32°C
(for the less accurate weather site)

Brace yourself children!

The ABC's of Retail

2006-11-23T07:40:00.000-07:00

A is for Alcohol... and lots of it... man were there ever a lot of stupid people today...
"each pack of cigarettes is $10"
"yes?"
"well, then you cant count, you gave me $30.30 back"
"i can assure you, I can count, but when yuo apply a discount [for purchasing two packs] it usually ends up being less then normal..."

B is for bootleg... Because buying a pair of brand new Diesel jeans for $20 from a person who would not buy diesel jeans in the first place, cannot supply a purchase receipt (or even a gift receipt), and tries to steal a case of water from our display isn't suspicious at all... nope, not a bit...

C is for crack pipe... which we found in a bag left by a customer... We also found several brands of condoms, some gay porno DVD's, and an issue of American Hunter magazine... Must've been quite the night... The cops thought so too (we were searching through to look for identification... which ceased as soon as we found Señor Tubo)...

As i write this...

2006-11-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

As I write this, the weather conditions outside are... sickening...

I think it's -20 (-30 or so with the wind)... Theres snow on the ground... it's blowing...

Which leads me to a couple of questions...

1) How can you wear so little clothing?

I mean, I know it's a part of your profession, and you need to dress accordingly... But if I was strutting along 118th in that, theres no way in hell a single coffee is gonna warm me up...

2) Being seasonally appropriate means wearing seasonably appropriate shoes...

Just remember, I don't think your profession has good dedical and mental coverage... If you slip on some ice in (what had to be 8") heels, you are gonna break something...

3) Why, oh why, god, why do you feel it necessary to wink at me?

*Shudder* I don't mean to be judgemental, but I know your profession... and it's dirty... and not like "I scrape up dead turkeys at the turkey farm" dirty... I'm talking "I radiate ghonoherpasyplilaids in a 5 ft aura" dirty... Winking at me makes it worse...

Praise Jesus for Stupid People

2006-11-21T10:46:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was my first day at my new retail job (yay)...

There is a training computer program that is anticipated to take up to a week to complete, which I started on yesterday...

Thankfully the person who I am to replace (he gave notice last week) was caught stealing from the til... So instead of a week long training session, I get to jump right in...

So tonight is my first till shift...

My manager was so concerned that i was going to get stressed out and quit...

I reassured her by reminding her that at my previous gas station job I had to do everything she is expecting me to do, plus baking, plus hand counting all the stealables, by myself...

yes, thats right... I have a co-worker...

Anyways... back to the training video...

I managed to complete 6.5 hours of training on the program yesterday...

6.5 hours of him droning on and on and on and on... in a monotone voice...

It simulates a till, and has click-and-drag aperati so that you can pretend your actually using the hardware...

"a customer aproaches the till, after greeting them, attempt to scan the products"

(drag scanner overtop vitual prouct)

*beep*

(drag scanner overtop second virtual product)

*beep*

(drag scanner over third virtual product)

"this product appears to not scan properly, please manually enter the upc code"

*tickyticky ticky*

*beep*

"the customer has a coupon for product two"

*clicky clicky beep*

"the customer has decided not to get product one, please remove it from the list"

...

...

...

For six and a half hours...

news

2006-11-19T00:23:00.000-07:00

So my stories will most likly return to their former glory...

I am working in retain again for the next little while...

should be... interesting...

It's Not You, It's Me

2006-11-09T04:09:00.000-07:00

I swear...

I know I'm irritable, I know I'm moody... Anti-social? me? not in the least... And from the sounds of it, many of you know as well...

I wish to be left alone.

Please let me be the one to initiate conversation and interaction, because your attempts are not succeeding (in part due to my attitude and in part due to your timing)...

I really do just wish to be left alone...

Quiet is especially appreciated...

I'll see you in December...

I suppose I shall concede...

2006-10-26T01:03:00.000-06:00

You win this time, morgan... but just you wait and see if next time I don't swear off of blogging all together...

Yes... So the lack of blog posts has been the result of a lot of things...

As a friend recently pointed out, November appears to have come early...

November is my least favourite month of the year because, for whatever reason I tend to reflect on how meaningless and inconsequential I, as an individual, perceive myself some days.

You know those days when you have absolutely no responsability. The days where everything that should be done, or can be done, do not necessarily need to be done. I mean, it would be great if they did get done, but you're life isn't going to end if you don't do them...

Well... this may come as a surprise to everyone. But I am inclined to have more than a few of those days. And, to make a problem where there shouldn't be one, I often take the opertunity to sit on my ass and not do a thing...

All day...

I'll close my room door, set my phone to silent and sleep/read/play video games all day...

And then I hate myself. So many things I could have accomplished, and I didn't do a single one.

Not to mention the friends who I ignore (who usually make a note of my lack of socialization with our next encounter)... I swear it's a miracle people still know I exist when i go on weeks long non-socialization spree's...

but yes...

My life hasn't been entirely self loathing since my last post...

We had thanksgiving dinner at our place for the roomies and a few people that didn't make it home for turkey day. Food was provided and prepared by the housemates (with donations from the attendees as well)...

It was a while ago, so I hope I can remember properly... but heres a breakdown...

Salad as prepared by Chelsee (she has a tendancy to burn water... so we tried not to let her near the oven)... basic and fabulous... salads can be terrible (ask anyone who has eaten at CUCA) and happily, these salades were not...

Wine as supplied by Evan (and I think someone else... Steph perhaps?)... Something about dead cats, and funky bottles... I can never remember...

Candied yams... everyone pause in rememberance of the candied yams... *pause*....
:-D' <- that's a drooling face btw
They were prepared by Stephy... I could have eaten them three meals a day for a week...

Turkey as prepared by Amber... It was moist, it was tasty, it was HUGE! Everything a turkey should be! (and it was her first time to boot)

And finally Pommegranate and Starfruit over anglefoodcake with cointreaux whip... as prepared by me... Pretentious much? Who would have thought... I thought it looked a lot prettier than it tasted, but most people seemed to clear their plates. So if it tasted like ass to them, and they ate it anyways, jokes on them cuz my feelings wouldn't have been hurt
=P
Just kidding... I would have been devestated, and everyone knows it.

Good times and good company were had by all...

And the best part was ignoring the giant burn marks in the carpet (because I dont really spend a lot of time in the living room upstairs, so everytime I do I see the little reminder of FF'06)... Well... the food was the best part... but the carpet was a close second...

yes...

So another hugely social event was the progressive supper/postcard competition. We started off with spanikopita at the (former) klein house, followed by ceasar salad at the convent, which was then followed by mexican casserole (or whatever it would be called) at the nudist colony, and then we retreated to the (red light) district (aka my house) for dessert...

Why does everything social have to involve food?

Anyways...

The results to the postcard competition were close, and I must say, Jenn had a deserving win... frick that thing was ugly... Although I must say, my aerial of edmontons west end (including the worlds largest temple to cosumerism) should have done better than second runner up (although the tie is a wicked cool prize)...

Work has been going pretty weekly the last month... a lot of rainy days has lead to really weak paycheques... which is lame... especially since the less money I have, the longer my tattoo will take to finish... *sigh*

The mood at work is really cool though... Lets go through a normal day...

Wake up ten minutes before work, look outside to see frost on the ground. Start getting dressed... Show up to work exactly on time to find everyone sitting around (because we'll kill the grass if we're on it while it's frozen) Sit down, read newspaper... finish reading newspaper... switch to tabloid newspaper... get frustrated with the style of writing (it's reads like the script for a jerry springer episode)... get frustrated at stupid paper... switch to comics... Look outside... still frosty... Play cribbage... look outside... frost looks like it's gone... start heading outside... start driving to task, notice frost still there, just hard to see from inside... go back inside.. play more cribbage... nap... start reading tabloid paper again... notice frost is actually gone... go to task... get frustrated because it's cold and starting to rain... ignore rain for 20 minutes... get called inside due to rain... sit around doing nothing for 45 minutes... get sent home and get paid for 5 hours of "work"...

And my boss told me that here is nothing I could do that would get me yelled at... I on;t want to believe him (and I actually don;t really)... but it's nice to know that he think's he's realy laid back...

The hockey season is up and going again... So I have to pretend at work that I enjoy sports... I have a clever ploy... I flip to the sports section of the paper, and make it look like I'm reading... when in fact I am really just counting to 80...

yeah.. so that's me...

My life really isboring, I swear I'm not making it up... Thanksgiving and the progressive supper were just accidents...

yes...

My Back: Part the First

2006-10-08T03:08:00.000-06:00

My back is scabby and gross right now...
and itchy... oh so itchy...
So it's not really the best time to be taking (and posting) photos of it's current state...

But I did say I would post pics, so here goes nothing...

This is me... leaning forward...

Me leaning forward with roommate...

Brent Working hard

Brent Admiring his work

And finally, everything that had been completed when my roomies came to visit...

More was done (about 2 hours) but due to the amount of bleeding I was doing we decided to stop... All the outlines are done, so the next time I post pictures, it will be a complete tattoo in shape... just not in colour..

The plan is to do the colouring over a few short visits (so that we don't risk the heavy bleeding again)...

either way, it's very exciting...

Uh huh..

2006-10-04T01:01:00.000-06:00

Pics are comming when I get the motivation to upload them... It's exciting (it looked so much smaller on paper)

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Finally

2006-10-02T10:36:00.000-06:00

Todays the big day!!! Just over an hour!!! I'm so excited I feel vomitous!

Pics to follow...

Lost and Forgotten

2006-09-21T13:06:00.000-06:00

Just a short story...

This morning I awoke to hear the most beautiful sound in the world... raindrops dripping outside my bedroom window...

This was followed shortly by the most horrible sound in the world... my boss saying "yes, we are working today"...

So even though it was raining, I had to go into work...

Worse yet, I get put on a deck mower and sent to the far side of the golf course...

Worse yet, once out there it started raining harder...

Finally after four hours of sititng by myself in the rain, mowing grass and leaving mud trails everywhere, I decide to head in and find out if there is something they could have me be doing that involved some form of physical labour... so that at least if I was miserable I would be active (and thus les cold)....

Upon returning to the shop, I am informed that everyone else had been sent home hours before... And they had just forgotten me where I was...

='(

I died a little bit... but at least I got to come home...

Indeed

2006-09-20T23:37:00.000-06:00

So today was a lot better for work (more or less still as cold... but I didnt have to sit on a mower all day... which was nice)...

I did get to work with all of my bosses today (well.. I think one boss and two supervisors... or something like that... I never really bothered to figure out the dynamics of it all)

They were picking on me quite a bit...

"Jeez Neal, ca you do anything right?"

*shrugz*

"Neal you're so slow"

"yup" *shrugz*

"That's some of the worst raking I've ever seen"

"really?" *shrugz*

Finally one of them was like "nothing phases you... does it?"

I looked at him, and as convincingly as I could I told him "I stopped taking you seriously as soon as I learned (other boss) sign's my paycheques"

He thought that was hillarious...

But yes... that's my excitement of the day...

I Remember Why I Don't go Outside

2006-09-20T02:36:00.000-06:00

This morning was cold... Not really cold, but cold enough...

And I was stuck, relatively motionless, on a mower all day...

So, cold weather, humidity from the river, and inactivity left me... well... very very cold...

Now I know you're all thinking "Neal doesn't do weather appropriate clothing" but I assure you I had more layers on than 10 people put together...

But I found a clever little plan...

If I got off my machine every hour or so, took off my shoes, and put them so the exhaust would blow into them, the steel toes would heat up to a point where they would thaw my toes, and I would stop shivering briefly...

Very briefly...

10 or so days until my tattoo (woot woot!!)

and... yeah...

FYI

2006-09-19T16:30:00.000-06:00

I thought I should bring this to everyone's attention since the person didn;t identify herself

=)

The person I was referring too a few posts back was Jessica...

That's right Jessica...

But since most of you don't know her, I suppose it's alright... But I'm sure she's terribly mortified (btw.. don't you <3 your sister)

Another Post... Already?

2006-09-19T02:57:00.000-06:00

I realise I have neglected my blog over the summer... Really it's for your benefit, I assure you.

Anyone who ahs hung out with me, rea, morg, and amber (or god forbid all four of us) is well aware that for the last four months our lives have been pretty uneventful.

And to be quite honest, this is an understatement.

I have also found that early morning have zapped me of my creative juices.

I usually thrive in the hours of 10-2, but I have tried to be in bed long before those hours occur...

I don't have crazy dorm adventures. I don't have crazy house adventures... My life is... well... Writing this is almost certainly the most exciting part of my day.

If you don;t believe me, I can recap for you...

wake up
mow grass
nap
chat with friends
nap
write this blog post

I look forward to lost starting up again... Same with scrubs...

I have reason to believe that my tattoo is a figment of my imagination...

This idea is Morg's fault. She planted the seed of doubt.

I mean, I have seen the pre design... Or at least I thought I did... perhaps I didn't... I don't even know what to believe anymore...

13 days till that shiznit goes down woot woot

I'm booked for the entire day... And I hope I don;t cry... 8+ hours is a lot of time to spend laying down with someone attacking you with a needle...

Plus I know they make fun of people who cry...

Well... They make fun of people who cry and then stop halfway through a tattoo... Which is almost as bad as getting a tattoo with a low pain threshhold in the first place...

I changed my mind...

I'll just get the tattoo Morg drew for me... Nothing bad can come from that... Besides I was the talk of the party

=/

Speaking of which... there was a party... I drank far too much... May have passed out on a couch nuzzled up into one of my acquiantances breasts (someone elses words)...

DnD was cancelled due to classes...

Jeez guys get your priorities straight... Entertaining Neal > Homework

And to top it all off, all my friends are emo... or think emo is cool and are trying to be as such (but thank god they don't have ugly emo hair... I will cease to be friends with anyone who shows up with an ugly emo haircut)

Lonely, Creepy, and Pathetic

2006-09-17T14:11:00.000-06:00

This is an update for all those lonely creepy and pathetic readers that i have out there... you know who you are...

Maybe you're 40 years old, sitting in your parents basement, wearing nothing more than some tighty whities and a mustard stained wife beater...

Or maybe you're some 15 years old suburban white kid, wearing designer jeans and faux bling, bitching about how you're life is so ghetto one minute and bitching about how your parents won't drive you to the local strip mall so you can purchase the newest 50 cent albulm (and we all know you just ain't cool if your parents drive you in the bmw without the spinners)...

Or maybe you're the sister of one of my friends... and or readers... Perhaps you call your sister to ask her questions about me, or my blog, or my friends blogs... Do you dwell on the things you read? Do you complain when it's not updated regularly? Are you willing to accept the fact that you are lonely creepy and pathetic? Cuz many people think you are...

Lol...

I'm a jerk...

maybe if you commented, I wouldn't think you were lonely creepy and pathetic...
(and really, you shouldn't feel bad about reading a public blog... if I didn't want people to read it, I wouldn't put it on the internet)

Remembering Carlos Cortes

2006-09-11T20:43:00.000-06:00

September 11th, 2001 is a day I will never forget. The images were plastered across every television screen for days, and few were able to talk about anything assides from what had happened.

The events of that day were too terrible to forget.

Many lives were lost that day, and one such life was that of Carlos Cortes, a proud Columbian living and working in the great city of New York.

I cannot begin to imagine the pain felt by Carlos' family and friends as his life was tragically cut short.

He is remembered as being a great husband, a loving father, and a caring soul.

If you would be so kind as to say a prayer for Carlos family (Laurie (his wife) and Loius (his son)) encouraging them to remember the man he was, and not the way in which he died.

Lost

2006-09-06T22:35:00.000-06:00

Hurley
You scored 74% kindness, 30% courage, 36% seedy past, and 61% secretiveness!

"For the record, my belt HAS dropped a notch. I'm a big guy. It's gonna be a while before you're going to want to give me a piggy back ride."

Dude, you are Hurley. You are a kind soul with some terrible luck. While you're always lending a helping hand, you're not exactly the bravest guy on the island. What you do is even more important - keep people entertained. The only problem you've got is that whole jinxed numbers thing. You're so secretive, no one on the island even knows that you're a multimillionaire! Let it out, dude. There's no use trying to keep it all bottled up inside, man.

Your polar opposite is: Jin. You are similar to: Claire and Sun.

Much Overdue

2006-08-28T22:41:00.000-06:00

So here is an update for you all (since I appear to be getting things all sorted out finally)...

First things first, since many of you have asked...

I quit my job at Joey's... Here's how it went down (it's quite a lovely story)...

I had been working two jobs... For the first month it was great... Extra money and no time to spend it... I was wel on my way to a savings spree unlike any I had ever seen... I had been hired at the restaurant with the knowledge of my first job made well and clear to the manager of Joey's... I would be working full time during the week at hours opposite of joeys, and as such would be unavailable to work anything but weekends. This was fine, and both parties agreed (both parties being me and the manager).

I moderately enjoyed working in the kitchen. It was far from being the worst job I had ever had, and even though it got a little stressful if more than 10 orders came in at a time, I would like to think I handled it well for a person of my training...

As we approached the end of July, I was becommming more aware of the impending wedding of two of the staff members (one of which being the manager)...

Most of the time, I am not a horrible person (occasionally having glimpses of helpfullness) and as such I offered (in writing) to work a few additional shifts if it made schedueling easier on the manager.

Now keeping in mind that these were shifts that I was not hired to work, I did have a few requests which were in the letter I submitted:

1) Because the golf course was still my primary job, I could not work closing shifts (the chance that I could potentially be at the restaurant until 11-1130 when I have to be leaving for work at 5 is not one I wanted to take)

2) Because days I would be taking on extra shifts would be days I will not be sleeping large amounts, I could not work 2 extra days in a row

3) My offer only ran from Aug 1st to August 12th (covering the weeks of the wedding and honeymoon respectively) (I had booked the 13th and 18th off due to a camp I was working at, but because I would not normally be working weekdays at the restaurant, I was not booked off for the 14th-17th...)

For my next shift I check the schedual and I have a few extra shifts... mostly thursdays ( busy day due to all you can eat shrimp)... All of them were closing shifts (meaning I would be there till at least 1030... possibly later... while still working at the golf course the next mornings and back to the restaurant again friday nights for my regular shifts...) including a shift for the 17th of August...

It was all in writing (my requests) so I didn't really know what had happened... maybe my chicken scratch was hard to read...

I approached my manager (keeping in mind this is still more than 6 days away from my first thursday shift)...

He feeds me some crap about "Oh... that's what you meant by that..." ("I cannot close..." pretty complex statement I suppose... open for interperutation)

I remind him that I do work another job, one that pays better and that i had already made very clear was my primary responsability BEFORE I was hired...

"But it's my wedding... My WEDDING" he says to me...

"I realise that" I says to him "but my other job comes first..." In my head I'm thinking "what was your plan before I offered"

"okay, I'll change your shifts around"

"and I can't be here the week of the 14th..."

"I'll see what i can do"

I come in for my next shift, only to find that the "changes" to my shift are the dropping of one thursday evening... (which I was asked by a fellow kitchen staff member to work anyways)...

Speaking of which... I was phoned in on one of my days off, promised I would be the first kitchen to be relieved in the evening (as I was filling in last minute and they knew it was going to be an inconvenience for me) only to have two kitchen staff members sign out and run off as soon as it slowed down ever so slightly... Leaving me behind, and at the fryer....

Yes... not that I'm bitter...

Anyways...

I check, only to find that the 17th shift is still down for me working...

I mention to one of the "sort of in charge while the bosss is away" employees, saying that I am not able to come in...

"oh... okay... we'll trade your shift around with someone else..."

I left it as that...

That friday was the shift from hell... Again some staff members decided to ditch out early because it was slow... It wasn't really slow, but the mind can play some amazing tricks when it doesnt want to be somewhere... I mean, look at how many people love Las Vegas... It's just their minds fabricating things...

It ended up getting so busy, and me and the only other chef were faling so far brhind...

The other chef does NOT handle stress very well... And he decided to take it out on me in the form of yelling...

I don;t take yelling very well... so I became stubbern and defiant... It eventually became "fine... you do it"...

And I stood back, for a good 10 minutes while he tried frantically to manage as the only chef in an exceptionally busy restaurant... Eventually he understood I was doing the best i could... ane stepped back to let me do my own thing (as well as I could)...

I was an inch away from walking right off the job that night... just screaming "fuck it, I don;t need this" and walking out the back door...

The next week, I come in... Still the same...

"I am not able to work... someone is going to have to cover for me" I say

"okay, we'll try to find someone" is the response I get...

By this time, I'm getting kinda fed up... And I resolve to not work a shift which I shouldnt have been schedualed for (twice over) and I had repeatidly requested be changed...

I may have mentioned that to a fellow employee... and he called in on my behalf to make sure things got done...

Then comes the weekend...

By this time I have been spening almost every waking moment at the golf course or with a large group of teenagers for the better part of a week (5am-11pm)... neither of these tasks I regret (infact I still love the golf course, even after all this time... and kids camp was awsome!)... But I was tired...

Now, I've never done this before, and will most likely never do it again... But I quit my job... Well.. I phoned in and told the manager that I would not be comming in... ever... and let him fire me...

But the only part i regret is putting it off until only a few hours before my shift... But the lack of sleep and the frustration of feeling dicked around (combined with the fact that I was super nervous because I knew a lot of people weren't going to be happy with me) had me putting off the phone call far longer than I would have liked...

yes...

So...

Kids camp was AWSOME! I guess I shouldn't call it kids camp... they we're youth... and there for a purpose... But I suppose referring it to it's real name could get me in a little bit of trouble...

It was kinda like dorm, minus the classes and the people who don;t listen to authority... Well... a few had trouble listening... but that is bound to happen...

Highlights of the week...

Watching So you think you can Dance with the boys in camp... Youd think it was a sorority, what with the squeeling et al.

Playing capture the flag... but being the only leader with the energy (or stupidity) to run around with all the kids... So I created secret plans and rally cries for both teams... single handidly... It was a sight to behold... It was like the russians telling the germans how to effectively bomb their cities... But it worked out...

I also got to be a moose... and the kids were told I had all the answers... they were delighted, because as a moose I was hard to find... the were dissapointed because as a moose I refused to give any answers in english... Are you confused yet? I know I am...

I also got an hour each night off... I hung out with fatty fat cakes... I mean D to the B... He can be quite boring... but at least he is a bit more mellow than the kiddies...

Lows for the week... Having to wake up every morning to go to work at the golf course after running around with kids all the day before... but becaue I have the BEST ROOMMATE EVER!!!! Amber made me coffee each and every day... to give me the pep I needed to... mow grass...

Yup... best roommate ever...

Then the week ended... Mattyk was back... and exposing his genetalia through his provactively tight pants... again...

D to the B removed all traces of me having ever lived in dorm... well... the smell was still there... I was cute in grade 11... Ask mattyk... I hope he still has the pic...

Then came the great commission... We were to try something new...

I tried many things...

I wanted to try hot air ballooning (I had looked into it before... but I decided to try again)... way to expensive... Bungee jumping? meh... not worth it for the time you actually experience the enjoyment... Go to a concert? the people I thought would appreciate it were either not willing or not able to go...

Then I had an idea!

I will make my new thing surprising a few of my friends...

I used a bit of the money I have accumulated by being a slave to "the man" to purchase three concert tickets... Now this is not a band I would have considered going to under normal circumstances, but I most certainly appreciate their music, ahve heard nothing but rave reviews for their showmanship, and have heard rumours that this will be their last tour...

I created a devious ploy...

"wanna come over to play boardgames?" I said to one

"I have a clever plan, I'll invite them over to play boardgames and then surpise them with the ticket I bought for them... but I need your help so they don;t suspect" I said to the other...

Like dominoes they fell, one by one... until both had succum to my devious ploy... I suppose two dominoes would make for the most boring dominoes show ever... but I digress...

I could say they were surprised... but that wouldnt do the expression on their faces justice... They were both super stoked at the thought of attending a free concert, even if neither seemed particularly up to date with the band...

The concert was everything I could ahve hoped for... The stage design was awsome, the musicians were engaging and entertaining (How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?.. I cookie to the person who can tell me the right answer), and the stereotypical drunk native guy sitting next to us was a pleasant surprise.. yes pleasant... thats the word I was looking for...

Fringe festival was also on this past week...

Me and the Morg saw two shows.. Why I can't get laid (a one man cabaret (featuring a defiling of a Disney classic and a conversation with an anus)) and the purity test ( dead pornstars, ice storms, and french accents)... I was sufficiently entertained by both...

I'm sure there is more to write about...

Like my new phone...

I have a new number -> ask me for it... It's not a secret but I'm not about to post it in an internet forum...

It's an amazing piece of machinary...

yes... bed now...

2006-08-14T08:51:00.000-06:00

Sorry about ther lack of updates...

I'm quite busy (and have been for the last week)...

Stories and updates will begin again next week...

ANd I did quit one of my jobs... It's exciting (apparently I beat the rush of people who are planning the same)

2006-08-08T00:09:00.000-06:00

I suppose it is true what they say...

Parents are a lot easier to live with when you don;t live with them..

The 'rents were down for the weekends... which was special (as I think I said before, this is the first time they've visited me since they dropped me off 3 years, 11 months, and 11 days ago... not that I'm counting)

We went to heritage days... Which was interesting... I thought I could eat way more food...

Somewhere between the eritrean himbasha, and the nicaraguan nacatamales, I filled right up...

Well... It could have been the heat and the 2 hours of sleep...

regardless...

We also checked out the Royal Alberta Museum... Their specialty exibits right now are foreign prostitutes and mail order catalogues...

Coincidence? I think not...

gah... I'm suddenly quite tired...

More stories to come... including the famous "how I almost quit my job" and the ever popular "look, is blinks, beeps, and makes me happy"... as told by neal

So a Bird walks into a bar...

2006-08-02T23:22:00.000-06:00

wait... no... I think it was a shovel...

No... crap..

I'm so bad at this...

Okay, I think I remember how this joke goes...

So a bird and a shovel get into this huge fight...

no... that's not how it goes...

Okay, lets start at the very beginning... If this offends you, please remember it is fictional, and occurred at an imaginary land of recreation... one that i do not work at...

So this bird maims itself, and luckily finds it's way into the loving caring arms of some old lady, who nurses it back to health, and sends it on a downhill spiral of human dependancy (both for attention and food)...

Somehow she gets the wicked cool idea to release the bird out into the wild after she's taught it not to be afraid of humans... and the wild she decides to release it at, happens to be a golf course...

Not being afraid to approach humans (thinking they're a source of food and entertainment), he sets off amusing some, and annoying others...

Some are severely amused, some are severely annoyed...

Like in every other situation in life, the five annoyed people make twice as much noise as the hundred amused people... and they complain... do people ever stop complaining (bwahahaha... hypocracy, I know)

So the bosses at the golf course discuss (jokingly) the cruel ways to remove the pest, in order to stop the bitching...

One person decides that (for the following reasons:

1) The bird is obviously malnurished
2) He, himself, is somewhat responsible for the behavior of the bird (through feeding it on many occasions)
3) That the risk of the bird being maimed by an angry golfer and dying a long drawn out death is sufficiently high)

he is going to play god, and remove the bird from our existence...

And he does so... with a swift blow to the head with a shovel...

I am, by no means, a truely cruel person... Sure I act it up a lot... And sure I am quite "hardened" from life on the farm, but that doesn't make me cruel...

But when he called it by name (Stevie), and it landed beside him and cocked its head towards him as if to say

"HEY BEST BUDDY GUY! GOT ANYTHING TO EAT!!!!

=-D

Wait a second... whats the shovel for?"

Only to be dead a fraction of a second later... I laughed...

In order to justify his actions, he referenced "of mice and men"... given the circumstances, I suppose that's a decent comparison...

please insert animal cruelty whining here \/

And then there was...

2006-07-31T23:12:00.000-06:00

I wasn;t really lookiung forward to work this morning... it was raining...

ANd me and Amber are terrible judges of when we should be rained back to bed, or when we should just be miserable at work...

Well.. I'm a bad judge... Amber thought we should just call in (in my defence, we did call in... twice... with no answer)

And then, when we finally get to work, I hear those magic words that make my heart sink just a little bit...

"if you had just called in, I would have told you not to come into work this morning"

Those were the magic words... i was officially having the worst day ever... I missed my bed so much...

='(

But then a glimmer of hope...

They rearranged the work list... 2 people on some jobs, 4 people on another...

"Neal! I don't want you dinking around! If this takes you more than an hour, you're fired!"

that's what I wanted to hear...

We were given simple tasks to comeplete... not because they wanted us to do stuff, but because we had shown up for work, and they needed to pay us, so they might as well have something to show for it...

two hours later, I was sound asleep in my bed...

Oh how I love my bed...

Oh... and today was payday!

yay payday!!!

yup...

that's my life...

you got to take a little dirt to keep what you love

2006-07-27T19:06:00.000-06:00

So I bought an Mp3 player a while back in order to pass the time at work (sitting on a tractor/mower all day, as surprising as it may seem, is not particularly stimulating for the mind)... I'm sure I mentioned that, but don't care enough to check...

It really did help pass the time...

Unfortunately, it stopped working quite a while ago, but with my busy schedual I didnt have a chance to take it in to get fixed...

And then I managed to put it through the wash...

I didn't get the extended warrenty which covers stupid things I do... so I now have a $60 paperweight ='(

even worse, I dont think it could hold paper if there was any sort of a breeze...

Well, as luck would have it, no sooner had my Mp3 player stopped functioning then i stopped getting put on the tractor all day (which means I got moved to physical labour... but at least that's usually with someone, so that makes it a lot less boring... unless I was working with Morgan, which (thank god) I have been spared from thus far)

=P

Yes...

Well...

Today was my first day back on the mower for 8 hours... I needed to hop myself up on energy drinks and coffee just to make it though the day... But my mind, used to being entertained by an outside source/person, went into musical overdrive...

There were two (count them with me: one... two...) songs which i could not, for the life of me, get out of my head...

Don't get me wrong, they're stellar songs... but really... for 8 hours???

yes...

so they were

Friends in low places - Garth Brooks
If you could only see - Tonic

I desperately need to buy myself a new Mp3 player...

Oh, and my 'rents are comming to visit... sometime between august 3-7th... they don;t know when yet...

I think it was the golf...

I should start cleaning my room...

Sugar, Grease, Spinning, and the Biggest Freak at the Carnival

2006-07-25T22:01:00.000-06:00

So today I made the trek into the capital ex fair grounds...

I haven't been to a real fair since... well... PNE 2001 (I vaguely remember going to the Cloverdale Rodeo a few times... but I don't think it was for very long) so i decided to make the most of it...

I stuffed my face full of carni food: 16 mini donuts, a slice a pizza, most of regans corn dog, frech fries, ice cream and pop (by the time we were ready for cotton candy we wanted to die of exahstion... as we came to realise we had been awake and about for more than 17 hours...)

We entered a stregth competition... It may come as a surprise, but I won, and regan lost... by a lot...

We also entered a VR (make an ass of yourself) game... Involving puking, punching and shooting michael jackson... I won (again) but this time I won against 20 kids (the competition consisted of jumping screaming punching jabbing and shooting... and I kicked those kids asses)

My prize for that one was the title of 'Freak' as if there was any surprise...

So a few things to note before I go to bed:

Carni's are CREEPY! why do girls find them attractive... They're transients with stuffed poodles... since when is that in any way hot...

Womens pants should be worn by women... Sorry sugar, being gay is not enough to pull off wearing womens jeans with an A&F shawl, a le chateau purse, and a pair of womens prada shoes... Now I'm the last person to be called homophobic, but the gay culture is pretty hard to support when this is considered acceptable...

And finally, I am a firm believer that there should be a 1hr buffer between when the rain stops and when people who hid from the rain should be allowed on the rides... Those of us who continued to walk around through ankle deep water to sit in metal chaits attactched to metal poles covered in copper wire and light bulbs during an electrical storm should be allowed a chance to reap our rewards before all the wussy people are allowed back on (I mean, they closed most of the really fin rides until the storm passed)...

Jerkbags...

That's it, I'm opeing my own amusement park... And if theres an electrical storm I'll pull all the employees off the gates until the storm passes... That way all the adventurous people can party it up for their bravery...

Please don;t sue when you get hit by lightning...

I really shouldn't be writing this...

2006-07-23T23:59:00.000-06:00

... I should be sleeping...

But I had a thought...

a geeky one... a pathetic one... one that will probibly annoy regan (cuz for some reason or another she hates geeky things)...

But I'm looking forward to DnD to start up again...

I hope we can find (and train) a new healer, cuz that's not where I want my character to go anymore...

But yes...

sleep time...

Over Worked and Bombing Raids

2006-07-20T23:27:00.000-06:00

in three days it will have been once month since my last full day off of work... I do not lie, I have worked every day (each and every one) since the 24th of June... but enough pity

The real reason I'm posting is because all this worka nd lack of sleep has made my mind work in seriously weird ways...

But, I should probibly start at the beginning...

I've always been a little weird in my process of thought. So knowing that, and knowing that history is an endless loop (due to the inevitability of it repeating itself [I'm trying not to use the cliche... but I guess I had to]), and also knowing that the war to end all wars was started by the assassination of one individual; I'm always a little on edge...

I know, I know, laugh it up...

But everytime a silly war breaks out somewhere on the other side of the planet, I think to myself "what if this is world war numero three?"

And with the history of continued violence in the middle east, I of course thought this same thing when the whole israel/lebanon thing broke out...

Today when we were working at the golf course, there were fighter jets flying by every few hours... I of course immediately thought it was unusual, but we did just start our cities exhibition today, and so I figured that's what they were here for, and I didn't put much thought in it past that...

This evening, I thought I heard something tapping on my window... I know when I'm locked out of my house, I just tap on windows till someone wakes up (usually people are sleeping... which is odd, cuz I'm never out late) so I thought someone else was returning me the favour...

I went upstairs and outside... THere was no one at my window, and certainly no one tapping at it...

But what I could hear was the loud sound of explosions...

I know it's irrational, but my first thought was "Holy Cripes! They made it to Edmonton fast"...

My second thought, of course was "yeah, it's about time for the nightly fireworks at the aforementioned civic exhibition..."

So I'm glad everyone is alright... And I hope I never have to become accustomed to real air raides...

Distasteful

2006-07-19T23:21:00.000-06:00

So the topic of humorous (but distasteful) song lyrics came up...

instantly I thought back to my DDR days...

"Do it all night" by E*rotic

Oh do it all night
Do it with me
Ill take you to heaven if you make me feel free
Baby do it tonight
Do it all right
Just take me and shake me till I burn up inside

Come on baby

You may have good sex
With Sam and Fred and Fritz and Max
You may be the slave
Of Tim and Tom and Ed and Dave
You may do it again
With Hans and Franz and Jack and Ken
But youre gonna feel so free
When youre doing it with me

Oh do it all night
Do it with me
Ill take you to heaven if you make me feel free
Baby do it tonight
Do it all right
Just take me and shake me till I burn up inside
Oh do it all night
Do it with me
As hot as a fire and as strong as a tree
Do it tonight
Do it all right
You got it I knew it You can do it tonight

Oh do it all night
Do it with me
Oh as hot as a fire and as strong as a tree
Come on baby and do it with me

You may find you need
Alfredo Jerry Ralph or Pete
It may be okay with Bernie Willy Tim and Ray
Youll love to get a kiss
From Andy Georgie Red and Chris
But youre gonna feel so free
When youre doing it with me

Oh do it all night
Do it with me
Oh as hot as a fire and as strong as a tree
Come on baby and do it with me

Come on do it with me

Oh there's a very pleasant side to you, a side I much prefer

2006-07-13T22:10:00.000-06:00

Sometimes work has it's benefits...

I'm not saying all the time... Like those times you're working with someone who refuses to see that although their way is good, it is by no means the only way to do it...

Eventually I just got so frustrated that i sat in the workman and waited for him to finish redoing what I had already done (and near as I can tell, the only reason he redid it is because it wasn't done his way)...

But yes...

Having a job where you can eat and not have to pay (although it was only french fries today) is nice...

Sometimes work has it's benefits...

Today we were doing our grassy chores, and there was a roll of thunder (or two)... so we got to go inside and sit out the storm... The storm was (pretty much) one cloud... It took almost as long to drive in to the shack as it did to sit out the storm... Regardless, that was still time I didn't have to wokr (but still got paid, woot woot)

Sometimes work has it's benefits...

I'm going to use the benefits of one job in order to get myself in better standing with my boss at the other...

My restaurant job boss <3's golf, and conveniently I can arrange for some golf to occur...

Speaking of which...

I have been working at the golf course for 2 months now, and no one has taken me up on my offer yet...

So I shall state it here:

Golf, rentals, and company in exchange for a case of beer... Times are quite limited so contact me... I need a few days in advance to book a tee time (unless we want to start really late... which i can't do cuz I work in the morning)...

Sometimes work has it's benefits...

I realised yesterday... Payday at the golf course = 15th and 30th/31st of every month... Payday at the restaurant = 7th and 22nd of every month...

*drools*

That tattoo will be comming along in no time... And by no time, i do mean that I should be able to afford it by... 2008 or so...

Sometimes work has it's benefits...

I get to wrok with quite a number of hot people at the golf course... And regan...

Sometimes work has it's benefits...

Yeah...

Sometimes work has it's drawbacks...

I start work at 5am tomorrow... witha little nap in between, I will be at work until 11pm tomorrow night... Only to repeat (more or less) the same scheduel on saturday...

yup...

lots of napping...

Who Need Sleep, Anyways...

2006-07-09T12:25:00.000-06:00

So for those of you I haven't talked to in a while, I suppose I should give you a little bit of an update...

Currently I am living the life of an adult (an actual one, and not a fake one like I normally do) and am spending most of my time at or in transport for work... I feel all responsable...

I am still working at he golf course, and I still <3 it most of the time... As we're settling in and they're getting a better idea of our strengths and weaknesses, our weeks are slowly becomming more predictable... I have 2 days on a tractors, 2 mornings on bunkers, 1 morning cleaning garbages, and 1 morning mowing tees (with afternnons of the morning jobs spent doing misc stuff like hand mowing or weedwhacking)...

SO my schedual there is pretty decent (yay)...

Oh, and I had an employee review... My boss was entirely positive, except he said that I'm a "grumpy Gus" in the mornings... LMAO!

For those of you that know me, I think we could all find it quite humourous that it took him two months to tell me that I'm not a morning person (and then pretend like it's a newsflash)...

Yes... Moving along....

Even better news than getting a great employee review, Tuesday is going to be a night to remember (or not)... In appreciation for the huge amounts of sodding we laid on the west side of the golf course, the club is paying for us to have a night at BP's... Including food and drink... Bwahahhahahahahaha... I wonder if they considered how much alcohol we can really consume... I know it's a lot... We all do... But I suppose we do a better job when we're in good spirits (except the morning after, I'm thinking)...

Yes, but enough about the golf course...

The second "job" I took on was helping Leah with groundskeeping at the LCC ABC district office...

Now, i specifically went with leah before she left so that she could introduce me, so that when I showed up, people would know who I was and what I was doing...

Apparently it was to no avail... I walked in, introduced myself (even though i knew they should have been expecting me)... When I got blank stares, I explained why I was there... more blank stares...

"I'm just going to go grab the keys I need"...
And I excused myself... The next time I went in, I got the exact same stares... I think they might be easily confused...

Or maybe because they're used to Leah, and because Leah did a good job back in the day, even though I can do a similar (if not superior) job, they can't understand why Leah won't suffice right now... Lutherans are like that sometimes...

So yes... I watered like they're was no tomorrow, and mowed like I had something to prove... Yup...

My third job I started last week, working as a Chef at a seafood restaurant here in town...

Apparently I'm liked because I can follow instructions after only being told once... And I haven't quit yet (which appears to be an anomally in and of itself)...

I burned myself in the deepfrier yesterday... looks like seagulls off in the distance when looking at it from the right angle...

I got to put this really cool burn relief stuff on my arm... It made my arm numb... and after a while and made me feel all warm and fuzzy... I won;t be trying to burn mysefl again, but it's nice to know that syuff is waiting for me if I do...

Hmm... I need to go... hopefully I can finish one quick story...

I was cooking in the back (like chefs do) and an order of ribs came in... They're precooked (to save time) but they need to be reheated on the bbq in order to be ready for service... Apparently I managed to find the coldspot on the grill, cuz the ribs we're still cold... not just in the middle... but the outside as well...

Now, it's kind of embarassing, but I hear second hand from one of the waiters that this man was all like

"I'm going to eat these, I promise, and the rest of the food is great but I need this to be properly cooked... I know what happens sometimes when people send food back, but I assure you, i'm going to eat, it's just still cold"

or seomthing like that... I was told the story at the end of a long shift... So my memory is a little fuzzy...

but yes...

ph3ar the line chef!

Yes...

but I should go...

so long kiddies!

You learn a lot about a person...

2006-07-05T20:41:00.000-06:00

...when you listen to their music for 8 hours.

We've decided to try to induce a little bit of excitement into our lives at work (I'm not sure of the real reason... but excitement sounds like a good one) by exchanging mp3 players for the day...

So far I've had Morgans and Ambers... tomorrow is Regans (she was mean to me, so I'm going to complain like I've never complained before)

Thing's I've learned from the mp3 players so far:

Turns out Amber is a girl... (I assure you, if you were to find ambers mp3 player on the ground, you would be able to listen to it for 5 minutes and know that a girl had owned it)

Amber also likes... umm... well... I'll save her the embarassment of owning up to some of the songs on her player, but I will ask one quick question: You expect me to just let you hit it, But will you still respect me if you get it? (nuff said)

Morgan has a lot of powerful and/or classic songs on her mp3 player.. which is nice... But she also has Omabolishire and Shag Tag by prozzak, 2become1 and stop right now! by spice girls, merry christmas/happy holiday by n*sync as well as a few other... special... songs thats eem to be escaping my memory right now (perhaps my brains defense mechanism has pushed them from my memory)... This leads me to the conclusion that morgan is suffering from MPD or BP...

I have also learned about myself that Sarah Mclaughlin and Hedley are not meant for Neal... I tried to listen to every song as it came trhough on random, but I just couldn't be bothered to force myself through them... Although it seems Paula Cole is the same for everyone else, so it all evens out in the end... Go Karma Go!

An Update and a Story

2006-07-01T11:41:00.000-06:00

SO first of all, I should say, I start my second job this afternoon... I'm going to be working weekends (unless I decide, somehow, that i can do a morning job and a nighttime job at the same time...)

I'm working at a restaurant... should be fun (I know at least one of the staff members so it can't really be that bad)...

I got hired while eating dinner... It was slightly enjoyable, drinking beer, eating snapper, and having a job interview...

But yes... now for the story..

Today at the golf course I was supposed to be trained on a new mower (oOooOo)... we got as far as "and let me show you how to do it" when my boss's boss drives up and was like "we're too short staffed today, you need to do stuff, we don't have time for you to train, and Neal can be more productive at other stuff"...

So I went and helped on raking bunkers (woot baby!)

Raking was enjoyable (they jokingly remarked that i should go do services, and relieve the person currently doing them... ah ha ha guys...)

While at one bunker, my boss's boss stops his tractor, gets out and comes over to me, and apologises for not allowing me to be trained,a dn assured me that I would soon and that I didn't need to worry about it... Kinda all paternal like... It was odd... And he's kinda a redneck, so it was completely unexpected... And I couldn't figure it out... until... well...

Whilst driving between bunkers a few minutes prior to him talking to me, a bug had flown into my eye... (happens all the time if you're driving too fast in the morning)... My eye had been severly watering (even after the pain faded)

I think he may have thought I was crying... And that makes me kinda happy... Cuz I sense he didn't want to deal with a crying man... but I think he thought his job warrented the "talk"...

I should drive into more bugs... see what other kind of promies I can get them to make...

A footrub every other day would be nice... unworked overtime would also be a plus

Lots of Time in Advance

2006-06-28T15:02:00.000-06:00

September 11, 2006 will mark the 5-year anniversary of the attacks that killed 2,996 innocent people.

D. Challenger Roe would like 2,995 blogging volunteers to help him with a tribute to the victims of 9/11. If you’d like to participate, you’ll be assigned the name of someone who was killed on September 11, 2001. Then on September 11, 2006, you’ll post your own tribute to that person. It can be anything you want it to be ... a photo tribute, an essay, a remembrance, a poem … it’s up to you. Then link back to a page he will create which will give the names of all 2,996 victims and links to the blogs that will remember them that day.

I have submited my name as a participant (exciting, I know)... leave a comment if you plan on doing the same, cuz I'm an attention whore who likes to know how many people follow me like sheep =P

O Rly?

2006-06-24T16:08:00.000-06:00

Ya Rly

So I went into ritualistics today...

There is now a new person on the job for the tattoo I wanted to get back in October... So hopefully by the ned of summer I'll be able to afford it

=)

woot woot (my life is a little more exciting already!)

My Life in a Nutshell

2006-06-24T11:12:00.000-06:00

So I went out for cafe beverages with some friends last night... and after an hour or so of talking, it became blatantly aware just how boring our lives are...

All we talked about was work... and school... and both...

I like my life, really I do, I'm quite happy with how things are going...

But just... damn...

It was like nothing exciting had happened in my life in the last moth (assides from almost buring the house down... but they were both there)...

That also seemed to be the highlight of their summer as well (I could be wrong but they didn't mention anything more exciting... assides from a set of stairs...

Woah is me... Woah...

My 300th Post

2006-06-20T20:07:00.000-06:00

I just had a revelation...

You see, my roommates put up witha lot... I'm messy, I'm loud, I can be quite inconciderate, and I don't think many would disagree if I said I had the occasional bout of obliviousness...

Another thing I just realised: I <3 potatoe skins...

I complained the other day because they took the skins off of the roast potatoes...

And now I just noticed that i'm making mashed potatoes with the skins on... cuz thats the way I like them...

Anone else here notice they make their roommates put up with something unusual?

Sheep

2006-06-19T16:42:00.000-06:00

have you ever thought to yourself...

"I wish there was a place for me to go and find 10000 unique handdrawn sheep that I could buy!"

Well, have I got the website for you

http://www.thesheepmarket.com/

The sheep were supplied by online workers, and are all unique...

I thought it was cute...

The Plan

2006-06-18T20:10:00.000-06:00

So I attended a wedding last night, which was an experience...

I did not know the bride, I did not know the groom... Well... apparently I've met the bride before, at Montanas for Hallowe'en... Who remembers that night (Cuz I don't remember too much of it)

Anyways... I knew only one person... and she was tied up for a large portion of the night due to her being in the wedding party... And two other people I artificially met because they drove me to the wedding...

So needless to say the highlights of my night we're few... cuz I felt like an outsider... But I was exposed to a huge amount of lutheran imbreeding... And not just LCC... The lutheran shallow gene pool spreads FAR into the ELCIC church as well...

Anyways...

So my plan is to formulate the worst possible wedding for Morgan to have to attend... Once everything is planned out I will seek to make it happen...

(don't get me wrong the wedding was beautiful, it was just missing a lot by me not knowing anyone, so I want to extend the akwardness 10x to morgan)

Here's what I got so far:

My bride is going to be someone that Morgan cannot stand... like, I want Morgan pulling her hair and gouging her eyes whenever she is around (And in an MSN conversation morgan admitted to being really fake, so it has to be someone Morgan cannot fake her way through)

Morgan is going to be the maid of honor (really, my bride is going to have to accept that, because really, the only reason we'll be getting married is to spite Morgan)

It will be a long engagement in which we will seek plenty of pre-marital counselling.. which morgan will attend to help mediate...

I will be sure to talk about my feelings a lot... crying will also be a necessity... lot's of crying...

If you can think of anything else, feel free to add it... I have a feeling an inside wedding on a hot humid day would be nice... but you can't plan those to easily...

Rebuilding

2006-06-14T20:17:00.000-06:00

So after the mighty FF'06 I have spent many a night rebuilding and am now comfortably sitting at a point one would call 'life' again...

Work is progressing well (I haven't had to do the job I hate in a week now) and as I found out today, I can still use the "I didn't know any better" excuse... even though I have been there for a month (I actually didn't know... so it wasn't a lie)

Yes...

So tomorrow is money day... and yet another paycheque that is more or less spent before I get it..

soon... very soon... I won't be living paycheque to paycheque...

There are no really exciting stories... from work or real life...

I got a letter from Jenn... you have to see it to understand but it's pretty much the funniest thing I have ever seen...

And I hope to get a picture or two of the damage onto the blog... but someone put up a sep field and I can't seem to find it... I'll see what I can do...

Four Alarm Fire

2006-06-09T23:04:00.000-06:00

Ah yes...

So I lit the house on fire... and let me share with you, more or less how it happened (I say more or less because I know for a fact that if I stray from the truth even slightly, morgan and regan will pounce on me)...

Tonight was the mighty fondue night... which i would say was quite the success...

But after an hour or so, the fondue torch ran out of fuel, so I needed to refil the apperati... Which went sort of well... assides from the fact that my shaky hand spilled some of the fuel... so when we ignited the torch, my hand went up too...

and the carpet...

and the table...

and part of the wall...

and a napkin (oh lord, not the napkin)

I suppose I'll let it stand as that for right now... I will open my comments to interperutations of the ff'06 (fondue fire, 2006)... Perhaps I will give prizes based on the best told (without lying) story...

yes... perhaps prizes indeed...

2006-06-09T19:28:00.000-06:00

I just lit the house on fire...

story later...

Stolen Sidekick

2006-06-09T15:47:00.000-06:00

So, I've been following the story of Evan for a while now...

first the link: StolenSidekick

Summary... his friend left her Sidekick in a taxi, and some kid found it, and refused to return it... Theres a lot more to the story, including a rewrd for it's return, some threats, and a fake address...

Now the funny thing about a sidekick, is it can be set up to automatically download any pictures you take onto the internet...

ladies and gentleman, I present to you the face of a thief:

and her accomplice (the boyfriend or borther... or something)

Evan (the freidn of the person whos cell was taken) has dedicated his life to making sure that the cell thieves are humiliated for being selfish... So he created the website at the top of this post... It;s a really funny read. It includes both the myspace accounts of all the people involved (my undersanding is that since this story became so well known, people have been able to recognise them and have revealed a lot more information than Evan feels comfortable posting), a song written to commemorate the event (and a promised music video if enough hits are generated), as well as a list of sites that have currently connected to him...

Now... I suppose you wonder while I'm writing all of this...

You see, I checked ou the forum (they've crashed several forums thus far... it's been quite fun) and there is a photoshop section...

I laughed sooOoOOooo hard...

Happy Birthday

2006-06-08T14:03:00.000-06:00

So I missed the actual day, because of silly blogspot problems... But yesterday was my blogs second birthday...

yup...

I'm too tired to write anything of interest... perhaps later...

Calgary?

2006-06-05T23:49:00.000-06:00

Hello!

I need any of my calgarian friends to contact me (if you're living in Calgary currently)

that is all

Famers Tan

2006-06-05T14:26:00.000-06:00

I am well aware that I am developing a farmers tan...

I suppose it comes with the job...

I <3 my farmers tan... So you can make fun of me as much as you want...

It's Good to Be Happy

2006-06-01T19:24:00.000-06:00

What is the making of a good day? I ask of you, how does this sound?

a good meal (today I made myself an amazing tomato soup and cream cheese combo... although morgan was right, the appearance left something to be desired... I suppose she's allowed to be right every once in a while)...

debt removal (with luck and a little be of wise spending I should be very close to being debt free in the next two weeks (yay)... well.. assides from student loans)

a job you love (My job has some really sucky parts... But even video game testing requires you to repeat the same things over and over trying to reach a desired outcome (even if you could move on, you need to try to replicate those bugs, you know)... But I love the people I'm working with, even if most of them are jerkfaces... My bosses hasn't given me the "wtf did you do that for" look in about a week, and I managed to talk myself out of two shifts of the job I hate... Oh, did I mention that we were let out half an hour early today so our boss could buy us beer (on account of efficient work leading to a sodding job being dome in less than half the time they tought)... Oh... and tomorrow we get out early so they can cook us hamburgers... and I hate to look too far in advance, but August is comming up with the all you can drink staff party... I tend to test out the limits of the all you can drink... mwahahaha...)

A tan (I havent felt this healthy in a long time... maybe my body i catching up on all the sunlight I missed out on in the last few years)

praise (my boss has said that he respects how quickly I learn things, and the efoort I put in)

air conditioning (after being out in the sun all day, nothing beats comming home and sitting in a house which is a nicely controlled temperature)

good friends (did I mention I <3 you guys... all of you... no exceptions this time (I won't even be mean to morgan))

yup... I'd say it's been a good day...praise God!!! only thing thats gonna make it better is some sleep... I have to save my energy for all the eating I'm going to do tomorrow...

gnight

Golfing

2006-05-31T18:37:00.000-06:00

So as I said, I tried my hand at golfing... It was an experience if I've ever had one...

Went with MattyK and Darren (ex-Boss) which was a treat in and of itself (<3 u mattyk!)...

Now I have never golfed before... Matt and Darren both have minimal experience... So I assure you, it was a sight to behold (for the entertainment of it... not just because we're stunningly good looking... although we are stunningly good looking)

It took me two balls to get off the tee... I kid you not... My first shot went straight into the bushes... Which is quite sad, but few of you know the layout of the course... so just accept this... there are no bushes for you to shoot at... unless you're a terribly bad shot... *raises hand*

So my second ball is somewhat less pathetic... It was a grounder (which is amazing since the first tee is off a cliff/hill)...

Matt and Darren were filled with helpful advice like "ha!" and "*laugh*" and "bwahahahha" even though they didnt do much better... They're balls, really, only went about as far as mine did...

Needless to say, my first hole didn't go so well... Live and learn, I suppose...

But I didn't learn, or so it seems..

My second hole was, by far, the most pathetic of the night...

It was a par 5... I stopped counting at 15 hits... Really, I would have done better to just kick it with my foot...

And the green KILLED me... I would hit the ball and it would go flying across the green... I would lightly tap it, and it would roll to the other side... The wind changed, and I think it rolled halfway back down the fairway...

*sigh*

I did get better though... There were a few times where I was within about 30' of the hole and able to say "this is for par"... well... actually, that was just once... and then Neal's curse of the green kicked in...

On the plus side, I did manage to not get a ball stuck in the water hazzard... I use the word stuck because although i hit one dead centre into the water hazzard, it bounced out and into play...

Oh, and the play of the game was a tie... betwen the bank-shot off mattys foot for 1-over-par... and Darrens swing of death (which somehow managed to detatch the head of the club, sending it flying down the fairway further than the ball it hit... He's lucky no one was killed)...

yes... so that was my golfing adventure...

(and some clarification... I will not delete your blog unless you have not updated it sometime between june 1st and june 30th...)

Two Things

2006-05-30T21:51:00.000-06:00

First off: I tested out the golf course today... It was good fun, and I think I can make a story about how we turned a par 5 into a par 15...

Second off: I haven't pruned my "other blogs" section since last year... If your blog is listed and you would like to keep it listed I would like to see a post, of any sort, in the month of june... THat's all... Even if the post is 4 words... 'Please don't delete me' or 'I love you Neal'...

Any blogs that don't have a post by the end of june 30th will be cast from my memory...

Also, if you would like your blog added to my list, leave a comment... I'll review, and add (please no spam though... I don't care if my friends write about boring things... but if some stranger posts 100 comments about cheap vaccuum cleaners, you can be sure it's not gonna make it....)

Choir Boy at <3

2006-05-30T16:15:00.000-06:00

*sigh*

I probibly shouldn't have been as entertained by this as I was... so hopefully this workes...

Sleep

2006-05-28T22:43:00.000-06:00

This whole sleep thing is getting lame...

oh well..

It's only a few more days till payday... and then I can afford rent... and food... and god only knows what else I can do with money and free time (I'm assuming that i'll develope free time once money provides sufficient reason to stay awake)...

I am determined to attempt golfing... I'll let you know how that goes... it might end up being quite the story...

I really shouldn't be awake right now... goodnight

Fight

2006-05-27T17:00:00.000-06:00

Todays work experience was sizing up to be quite boring... and for the most part it was... assides from the fight I got in...

I was cleaning up my machine (cuz you do that when you're done your shift) and I headed over to the wash basin in order to hose it down...

I turned on the hose, and thats when the fight broke out...

The hose started flying madly throughout the area, hosing me down intensely (although it looked like it only hosed down my crotch)

I was absolutely stunned by the first wave of frigidly cold water that I was in no way prepared for the second wave that hit me moments after.,..

It t0ook a good 15 seconds of the hose flying around and sraying everything before I finally pulled myself together and turned the hose off...

Thankfully only like 1/2 the people working managed to see the spectacle...

He Said

2006-05-26T16:29:00.000-06:00

So my boss looked at me (well... two of us) and said

"You guys impress me!"

Very sincere, looked us in the eye's, no laugh afterwords (or "just kidding" gestures)...

And then he put us back on weedwhacking...

On the plus side, starting work at 530 in the morning makes the day go by a lot quicker (plus it allows me to finish my other duties faster - due to the lack of golfers in the way - which allows me to start weedwhacking even earlier...)

Now I know weedwhacking is a major part of the job, and I knew that before I started working here... but seriously, I've logged about 10 hours of carrying those things in the last two shifts...

and my arms are tired ='(

On the plus side, it gives me something to complain about... and we all know how much I likfe to complain (and bug morgan about being on the 3100)

Tidbit About Me

2006-05-24T23:04:00.000-06:00

Turns out I don't like having little pebbles shot up my nose as unbelievable speeds...

I'd like to thank weedwhackers for providing this revelation...

Adverse Effects of Work

2006-05-23T21:08:00.000-06:00

So I have come to the realization that although i appreciate consitet work, there are a few things that are left to be desired...

1) Bed starts calling my name at 9pm... by 10, it's screaming my name... by 11, it's having little tantrums...

2) I cannot sleep in past 5... I've tried... If I set my alarm for 5:15, I'm awake by 4:45... eww... I didn't even know there was such a thing as 4:45 in the morning...

3) I do not appreciate rain as much as some people (yes yes, rain is good... I will give you that... but seriously, you have to admit walking around in the pouring rain (with thunder in the distance) carrying a gas powered lightning rod is not cool)

4) I tire of doing weedwhacking... I mean, it's not a particularly difficult job, but I'm not really entertained by it in the slightest... Although the idea of having to do the 'girly' jobs is far more frightening than being forced to carry a weed whacker around all summer...

5) Shorts and weedwhackers are NOT a cool mix (why I was wearing shorts in the rain, I will never know)

6) Soup is not a valid lunch option, in and of itself... I need something more... One of the guys was eating peach yogurt... and I wanted some... thats how hungry I was...

yup... such is my life...

Bunkers

2006-05-20T11:48:00.000-06:00

(bunkers are the sand traps on a golf course... I had someone ask me that, so I thought maybe I should clarify)

So far my job has mainly consisted of bunker detail, which is fine and dandy, and I enjoy it quite a lot... Well... asides from the fact that my back feels like ass afterwards...

Anyways...

Bunkers are fairly easy to do so long as you remember three simple things:

1) Old rich people like to complain, so try not to leave anything they can complain about

2) Old rich people like to complain, so try not to make any distractions to complain about

3) Always enter and exit the bunker from a low point in the border

Now as I said, these things are very easy to follow... mostly... Sometimes it's harder to gauge where places are sufficiently low enough (since I've been told to try not to always enter or exit from the same spot... since the grass gets worn away)

Now, before I get too far into my mistakes: REGAN DROVE OUR CART INTO A TREE!!!

My first story happened way back on day two... I had, more or less, just learned the jist of being a bunker rake driver... and I was getting quite proficient at my swirly-swirls and my double backs... My boss is sort of a geek, so I take it when he was making victory arm jestures and 'woo' sounds, that my skills were becomming quite admirable...

Now, as I said, it was day two, and I hadn't quite yet picked up on the entirity of the capabilities of the little tractor rake... They seem to have a lot of power, and the tires have a lot of tread (indicating a lot of traction)...

So whilst finishing my last swoop of one of the bunkers, I begin eyeing up potential exit sites... trying not to make it the same as my entrance... I notice a spot along the east side that looks quite fitting so I drive right for it...

everythig was fine and dandy... until I realised that I had left the rakes down...

Not a problem, I stopped just in time to avoid doing some serious rakage damage to the well manicured lawn... I lifted up the rake and proceeded on my way... But not quite...

Although the lip was an acceptable height, the hill on the other side required a little more momentum than comming from a dead stop... The tread on the tires, rather than acting as traction to get up the hill, we're acting as graters tearing their way into the grass... not cool...

So I throw the thing in reverse, back into the pit and clamour onto the hill praying to god my boss doesn't come around the corner to see how I'm doing...

I try my best to make my mess as disguised as possible (really it looked like a divet... just in a place a ball wouldn;t naturally come to rest) then fixed up the bunker, and drove off like nothing happened...

My next story was today... I was, again, on bunker detail... And after my experience two days before, I was trying to be quite careful as to where I entered and exited... Not a general rule of thumb is wherever there is quite a bit of sand is most certainly the spot there the tractors come out... This is because residual sand is usually knocked off when you hit the bump of the lip...

Turns out there are lots of other reasons for there to be sand on the outside edge of a bunker...

So whilst driving towards my new bunker, I eyed up the spot I would enter... I was downhill a bit, so I couldn't see how much of a drop, but there was plenty of sand, so I figured I was safe...

There wasn't even time for me to brake when I realised how much of a drop it was going to be... And I had to wait a good 5 minutes before one of the mower people came around to help me get my cart off of it's recarious position (I had bottomed out and neither the front nor the back tires could get enough traction to go anywhere)...

Thankfully, no one important was around so I don't owe any beer... But yes...

Karma

2006-05-19T14:40:00.000-06:00

The world is starting to even itself out... well.. as far as my job is concerned...

a fricking rock was in one of the bunkers today... So my tractor raking was all f-ed up... cept the rock wouldnt come out of the sand so I didnt know what the problem was... after three sweeps (and about 6" away from a nervous breakdown) it appeared, and I kicked it... hard...

no more rock (I kicked it in a direction that made it a problem for no one)

so to even everything out (including the act that I had to do another 2 hours of weedwhacking, and 2 hours of pushing a lawnmower up a hill) there was beer!

Apparently someone was supposed to glue something... and didnt... And the rule is, if you screw up you buy a 12pack of beer...

I like beer now, btw... mmmMMmmm beer...

that is all

New Job Begins

2006-05-17T23:37:00.000-06:00

So today was my first day at the golf course... EXCITING!

today I got to rake EVERY bunker on the property (well.. except the few holes that are out of commision...) but I was put on manual detail.. meaning I was actually in there with a rake in hand pushing sand around until someone came to drive a tractor over it...

I did get to try out the tractor though... fun!!!

After dodging golf balls for a few hours (something it appears my co-worker isn't very good at... judging by the welt left on his leg at hole 16) it was time to weedwack... Everything...

Now, it's been a while since I've weedwacked... but I forgot how absolutely wretched those things are on your arms...

So, between being hunched over bunkers with a rake, and carrying a gas powered "I hate you arms" machine... I can officially say everything is sore.

But I still enjoy my job... good times!

I hope I get to sit on a tractor all day sometime soon

Bacon

2006-05-16T10:36:00.000-06:00

Ladies and Gentlemen (not that I expect many of you to be either) I present to you the newest (and greatest) Turf, Alluvium, and Sanitation Engineer for the exclusive Highlands Golf Course...

Okay... I tried to make that sounds prestigious...

Anyways... I'm the maintenance staff... well.. a member of the maintenance staff...

So expect me to be well tanned and in bed by 10 for most of the summer...

I wish I could say I was proud to have achieved this job, but really, the first question was "when can you start?" so I oppose they don't have the highest expectations for their employees (the person who hired me had also never seen my resume, so he had no idea of my work experience, references, name, etc)

Ah yes... summer employment...

Just think... soon I'll be able to afford all the luxuries of life... food, rent, a table mounted usb air dart system for my computer (in action)

So yes...

adios