Milk!

So, yesterday, I did something I never thought I would ever do...

I, with some of my friends, chose to endure the pain and uncomfort that results from chugging four (yes 4) litres of milk...

Now, I know youre thinking "what an idiot" but we took a lot of things into consideration...

1) the basic-ness of the milk would neutralize the stomache acid (so as to limit the damage to our body as the milk inevitably comes back up)

2) the location was a lawn, so as to allow us t puke freely without worry of having to scrape up the puke ice afterwards

3) the competition was held before breakfast, so as to limit the amount of chunk present in the yahk fluid


I must say, the event was a success. I may not have won, but in the hearts and minds of the 20 or so people who had congregated to watch us make fools of ourselves, we were all winners

I finished a good 5 minutes behind the winner, not something Im proud of, but I am certainly not going to feel dissappointed about 4 litres in 20 minutes...

One way I did win was in dynamic of the puking. i had a very large spray, good pressure and a wide coverage area. I, by far, puked the most... Something I am very grateful for, as I did not have to endure th hours f pain and pot competition cookie tosses.

Oh... Something I forgot t mention, not only did we drink milk, we were drinking homo milk... Thats right 3.25% fatty goodness -I couldnt find half/half in a four litre jug >=/

Oh well

Oh.... And I got the RA job again, found out yesterday (go me!)

#10

it appears that i am #10 in regards to slurpee machines on yahoo.com

http://ca.search.yahoo.com/search?vc=&p=slurpee+machines

If that works, you should be referred to a search page that shows that top results for "slurpee machines" of which, I am the 10th...

I suppose I should have some sort of party...

This is the closest I will ever be to famous

7-11 had better look out...

Kiddie Takedown

No you kid touchers, I mean fight.

Rules, VERSION 1.5:

- The arena you are fighting in is the size of a tennis court. The walls are padded.

- You aren't allowed to touch the walls or use them as a weapon (Bashing their head against the wall, etc.)

- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. If a kid is knocked unconscious, or is in a physical state that does not allow him to continue, they are "out."

- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy and aged 5-7.

- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.

- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.

- The kids are motivated enough by their hand to hand conbat training to not be afraid of you, or any bloodshed they witness. So this way there is no option for them to chicken out and make it easier for you.

How many kids do you think you could take down?




I copied this from a forum i frquent... I thought it was genius...

So how many...

Considering my arm length, and my physical status, I thihnk I could get through about 20 or so before I succame to the wrath that ankle biters can forge...

How bout you?

Words of Wisdom

not my own, but here goes:

"No one likes to create a storm on calm waters but a semblence of moral fibre and feeling for your fellow man, one should not just stand by and allow or enable evil to run rampant among the good and the innocent.

It takes courage to come forward and speak the truth, especially when you know it will cause tears and heartache, but isn't it better to spill the spoiled food than to silently and knowingly withhold the truth while others continue to partake in the poison?

Under the heading of 'right action' comes courage to do what is right. I urge you to use yor discretion while doing what is right, and calmly brace against the inevitable cross winds stirred by the initial decision (and its effects) for the right action."

Amen, anyone?

Regan!

My apologies for having not updated in so long...

I have been having computer problems for the last little while (Everytime I logged onto AOL dial-up over the Xmas break, I wanted to beat my head as hard as I could into the keyboard)

And for the last few weeks I have been without net in my room do to a fatal meltdown (woe is me!)

I shall return soon...

Back in B(la)C(k)

So I am back, in the original home...

I'm Edmonton sick already, I'm so pathetic... Oh well, can't say i dont have my reasons, living around such wonderful people all day every day really lifts the spirits (even though the time from Seussical to the end of finals was complete and utter hell)...

I look forward to going back, but I hope that I can enjoy myself here as much as I can...

I spent most of the day at home sleeping, a passtime, I must say, I have thoroughly missed. I was told I had to be extra nice to my family... They weren't too happy that i forgot to call them on their birthdays... not that I actually forgot, I just... I dunno... I can honestly say that I have no emotional attatchment to them. So calling them wasn't high on my to-do list.

Oh well, woah is me...

Staying up all night packing appears to have been a bad idea... Completely destroyed and reseblence to a sleeping habit that I may have had... Lol... Sleep is for the weak...

I'm so weak...

It also messed up my appetite... I have barely eaten since I got home. As not to put a cap on my own stupidity, I have recently consumed quite possibly the worst "I haven't eaten in 24 hours" food ever... I kid you not, I drank a near litre of egg nog...

Ick...

Oh, well... I look forward to church tomorrow! Its going to be fun, im also going for dinner at Jenns house tomorrow evening... Then I set myself into schedual to start work at petro can on monday! Its gonna be hella fun!

Gnight all

Returning

Well, now that this symester of schooling is (almost) done, and I will soon be making a few quick trips to cowboys before I go, I figure I should get abck into my old style of thinking for my return to Petro Can for the winter break...

I figure that I would complain (generically, of course) about my HS kids again...

Seriously, dumb as posts...

The RA's felt it would be nice for us to treat them out to a dinner, one that isn't cafeteria food. Now, I for one, would feel greatly honoured that someone would take time out of their busy shedual (we are in exams right now, and all the RA's are full time students) in order to provide some time away from campus and a decent meal...

But I kid you not, I heard so many complaints about how boring it was and how much the food sucked (it wasn't bad, honest)...

I wanted to yell... something along the lines of "I am not your entertainment, I am mearly here to ensure that you do not choke on your own toungues whilst you are away from the parents... whom obviously don't love you enough to let you go to a local school"

But I didn't... perhaps I'm getting soft in my old age... I'll be 21 soon enough... *sigh*

Oh well.. Time for sleep, I need to study in the morning...

Night all

Ending

So, I think these last two weeks have been the most wretched of my life..

If I never have to do anothe report on polyester, I will die a appy man...

Im tired and cold, and the heater is still making crap loads of noise, but I survived...

Biochem is going to be a walk in the park...

Gnight all

So Very Very Cold

So I have come to the conclusion that Concordia gives shit about you opnce you've given them their money...

Point and case:

I live in a dormatory which happens to be in one of the coldest provinces in Canada...

As such, i have a generic full-wall heater thingy that, for all intents and purposes, does not work... Rarely have I seen it giving off anything that resembles heat, but since it hasn't very cold as of late, this was no problem...

Or so I thought...

This last weekend we had the joy of breaking the -20C barrier... No super cold, but cold enough that even with double pane glass, a little bit of additional heat would be nice...

And wouldn't you know it, the heater turns on (aww how nice)

Anyone who knows me, knows I wouldn't go without complaining, so here goes!

The fucking thing is as loud as hell

I kid you not, I can barely listen to music overtop of it... Its so horrible... It pings and rattles like you wouldn't believe...

It's to the point where I can't sleep at night, and its constant so its hard to sleep during the day too...

And I inform the necissary people of my plight... "we'll get around to it eventually" is all I get half-offered...

Where is my $5000 going? It certainly isnt into service, I mean it took me two weeks for them to replace my light tube when it burned out... And by "them" I mean, I found the room where they hide the lightyubes and changed it myself...

Ugh...

Okay, im done for the day...

(Damn you concordia, damn you!)

Welcome to December!

So... Needless to say, I have survived... By the skin of my teeth, and a little worse for wear...

Im certain I'm going to fail Chem 321... Ive come to terms with this... needless to say, im in no hurry to finish the paper... Meh... I made a valiant effort (lol, the lies I tell myself)

Umm...

Things are going good, this weekend was hectic with all the concerts and all... They went really well...

I'm looking forward to going back to work at petro can for a few weeks... i know its sad, eh?

Umm...

Yeah, thats pretty much everything...

Oh, and just so everyone knows, and so noone worries, I've decreased my smoking severly, almost to the point of social smoker...

Umm...

yeah...

Oh... and worked this weekend... if I really want to call it work that is... I was asleep or at concerts for most of it, lol... Stupid kids, I hope one of them caught pnemonia and died..

Well... not really...

but it might be funny..

One of my friends turned 18 today... Mwahahah

We're going to the bar tonight... he was all like "I don't want to get to drunk"

1) today is the last day of classes
2) It is his 18th birthday today
3)Exams are do not start until Thursday

This boy will be lucky if he can walk to his exam on saturday ;)

I'm so horrible...

What kind of example am I...

lol

example

me?

November Ends, blahs continue

So, Im lying in bed this morning, thinking "Whats the easiest way to piss myself off"... Well, not really, but I was thinking... And thats the part that annoys me, I can't turn off my brain, and its driving me nuts...

"you're so stupid" it yells me...

"why didn't you do this sooner" another voice pipes in...

"guys, back off and leave him alone, it's my turn to torment him" shouts a third...

If I wasn't so certain that these voices are caused by stress and sleep deprivation, I would be certain I was developing some severe schizo tendencies...

But alas, I have no one to blame but myself for this awful predicament I am in... Since when did I become this lazy... And I mean really, Ive reached new levels of laziness that are beyond comparison to any level of laziness I have ever achieved in my lazy past...

Really, I'm putting vegtables in hospital beds to shame, at least they have to struggle to breath (perhaps the ones on repirators are lazier to me, but I'm thinking it takes a lack of laziness in order to learn how to talk through blinking...)

So as it sits now, if I refrain from sleeping for the next three weeks, I will be able to pass all my classes... It wouldn't be the first time, trust me...

But I've reached a point where it doesn't really matter, cuz insofar as sleeping goes, I prefer it over essay writing any day of the week...

Perhaps my professors will understand my plight?

lol

I kid myself...

Im beginning to think that professors are heartless beasts...

I recieved a lecture from one of my profs when I prayed for focus... Perhaps hes on to me...

Usually professors don't realise I haven't a clue until after they grade my papers...

At least I wont be accused of being a female-hater this time around...

Swear to god, if my Chem teacher tells me I hate polyester im gonna smack him upside the head... Im so fed up with the polyester paper that its not even funny... I can regurgitate all the information necissary to complete it... polyester is the result of esterfication of dimethyl terephthalate with ethylene glycol at 240C to give bis-(2-hydroxyethyl)terephthalate and methanol, followed by an increase in temperature to 270C causing polymerization via self esterfication resulting in poly(ethylene terephthalate) and ethylene glycol... Throw in a few diagrams, the uses for polyester, the manufacturing companies and the amounts the produce and voila, a ten apge paper... Problem? I don't have valid reference material...

9/10 pages I've found have a littl tagline at the bottom stating "such and such is not responsible for any inacurate information found on this site"

Whens the last time you read a textbook that said "by the way, anything you read in this book may not be true, but hey, you can't sue us! mwahahahah"

It doesn't happen...

Needless to say, Im contemplating just using the retarded references simply for the ability to have the paper done...

Ugh, I hate this so much...

Oh and everyone else around is stressing out...

Well, minus a few friends...

Speaking of which, I'm getting quite happy with the calibre of friends I'm managing to pull off... If only they knew how horrible of a person I really am :)

In all seriousness, I think I'm gaining my new friends at the expense of my old ones... Not that this is a concious choice, but the new friends are around a lot more... By that I mean, we have more social connections that lead us to hang out more... And Im beginning to think that because the new friends are so accessable, the old ones are hitting the back burner...

Oh well, not a whole lot I can do about that right now, unless one of them would like to complete this fricken polyester report for me...

It would be big points on the Neal favouritism scale...

*sigh*

I'm not really sure what else there is to say...

Oh, about my recently aquired addiction...

I love it so much... I'm not sure if its the nicotine or the deprivation of oxygen caused by inhaling carbon monoxide/dioxide, but the feeling after a cigarette is amazing... Health risks aside, I think smoking is right up there with body modifications...

Oh!

Good news, my Petro Can boss called me, and asked if I wanted to work over winter break!

Saweet!

I hope I get lots of stat days!

Not to mention, I should have lots f great stories for over the break...

Anyways, I should really be getting to bed, its oh so very late... gnight!

So

Setting things straight is ending up being a lot more fun than I thought it would!

Yay!!

On the plus side, Ive started smoking...

I suppose thats not really a plus... I hate smoking... I really do... But it's oh so good...

Hopefully this is something I can forget about really soon, but for now I need to find a way to get me a pack of my own... I need to stop mooching...

*Sigh*

November

/sappy rant on

Well, it's been a long time comming...

To say that novembers suck would be an understatement... Pretty much everything I do focuses around my inability to do anything productive.

November Blahs; my archenemy... well actually, my figurative archenemy, as I have to many literal ones...

I think I am less pleasant to be around in November, as I am finding myself complaining more... I know what youre all saying- "he has a higher level of complaining?"

I kid you not, I'm even noticing how much I'm over complaining... Even this post is a complaint... Oh woe is me!

I suppose things should get better now, I mean all I have left to do is a couple of papers, a few exams, a crapload of concerts, and aid a friend with her capstone...

Not to mention maintaining the social aquaintances I have made in the last few weeks... I'm trying to ween myself off of the computer as much as I can... It's not going as well as I would have hoped, but I'm doing better... Mayhaps that had more to do with Seussical (a musical about seuss, for those not in the know)... I was the antagonist... mwahaha... typecasting I know, but I digress...

I look forward to going home, not so much the going home part now-- I feel quite indifferent about my returning back to Vancouver for the time being... don't get me wrong, I look forward to all y friends and stuff... heck I'm even looking forward a bit to working at petro can... how sad is that-- but I am looking forward to being able to look back on these last three months with some perspective...

Without getting into to much detail, I've really screwed somethings up... Other things have turned out a million times better than I ever could have hoped... I just wish I hadn't hurt so many people in the process...

They don't seem to hate me, thats for sure, perhaps they're enacting revenge in some sadistic way I dont understand... That would certainly explain why the cafeteria food was so awful this weekend... Or perhaps some miniature voodoo neal doll would explain why ears, knees, nostrils, hands and thumbnails were so easy to bleed this last weekend...

Regardless, I wish I could say I am simply going to wave my hand and everything will revert back to the way it was-- heck, take me back to last december, and let me try it all over again...

But then again, I did say that i like the way some things have turned out, and it would be selfish to revert everything...

Meh!

Okay, so this is it.... Everyone who is reading this, this is the point at which I change... When I look back at my year during that 'sit and ponder' part of New years, I will reflect back to this point as the time when I started to become the person I wanted to be...

No longer will I sit idley by and accept the person dictated for to me... I'm gonna make certain things right; be honest and truthful...

If thats what it's gonna take... hoo-wee Im gonna do it...

/sappy rant off

Gahk!

Just a quick post before I head off to bed...

Tonight, I was not on duty, thank God! But someone had to be, so the other guy-- whom I have become quite good friends with-- stopped by my room on his patrol of the halls when room curfew went into effect...

They gave him the roughest time, and I felt quite bad... (although I felt like cheering when he lost his temper and told one of the little shits to 'stfu')

Needless to say, after 40 minutes of yelling at the 'tards to go to their room, he finally burns out and heads off to bed...

He hadn't been gone from my room for 40 seconds when someone knocked on my door and asked 'can you let me outsside so I can have a cigarette?'

'OMG! NO!'

'Why?'

'Cuz you gave the other RA a really hard time, and I'm not out to be doing any of you favours!'

'That wasn't me!'

'Get out of my room!'


I wanted to punch him, as he walked back to his room I yelled a reminder that he is to have all of his smokes before curfew, and that i would not be making and exceptions from now on...

Although I'm quite certain that he was one of the people making the other RA's life miserable, I hope that f he wasn't, he beats the shit out of one of the that was...

Sigh

gnight

Discontent

To say that I am discontent would be an understatement...

I have achieved the level of November Blahs unlike any man has ever reached before... I wish I could go back to when life was simpler, unfortunately, I am well aware that no one with a 5th grade education gets very far in life... Wait a second, thats not true!

Every person I deal with in my daily life has a 5th grade education.. well maybe there is a genius or two who skipped grade 5, but everyone has indeed taken it... Perhaps there is hope afterall!!!

But before I drop out, and become the Edmonton Mole Person ( http://www.straightdope.com/columns/040109.html ) I figure I should explain...

I said yes to a musical... no problem, except I forgot how much time they take up... I didnt learn my lesson the last three times... Woe is me, eh?

Needless to say, by the time I'm done rehersals, the chances of me wanting to start right away on homework are slim to none... But I continue on... Blah!

But when I come back to my room, I am forced to deal with the imbiciles we call high school students... Those that i am lord and master over are dumb as tree stumps...

They keep trying to show me the hypocracy of making them go to their rooms while i continue my showering and TV watching... And I keep reminding them that I have their signature on a form that says they will abide by all rules set forth by concordia, and one of those rules is the 11pm room curfew... I also need to remind them that as a university student, I am not required to sign such a document and am free to spend my time doing whatever I please...

I have had to keep repeating this so many times... and not to everyone... to the same 5 people... Jeez, get it in your heads you retards! I am not going to change my opinion, and all youre doing is making me like you less, so that when you ask me to do something I would otherwise have let you do, I will tell you no... and I will do it with a smile on my face...

Oh, and they got their interm report cards back last friday... So there were quite a few upset parents, needless to say... (dumb as stumps, I kid you not)...

One of the kids was questioned about his grades were so low and why he was almost always late or absent from his first classes in the morning... He blamed me... Apparently I keep him up late with my wild parties and excessive noise... I don't even like the little fucker, I want to beat the shit out of him (and there are two things stopping me 1)I'd lose my job and 2)Beating him is a dream, and should I succeed in doing it, and I don't enjoy it as much as I hope, then one of my dreams would be a failure)... Sorry, back to my tale...

So the kid blames me (apparently telling him to go to his own room keeps him up at night)... Once more, the kid tells his mom a specific tale in which I kept him up 'till 4am drinking pop, listening to music and eating pizza... (I had a brief meeting with my boss because the mom thought it was horrible that someone hired to ensure that her son was getting the best of his education would be keeping him up at night)

Bgwah???

I seem to remember the tale a little bit differently than he told his mother (not that I blame him entirely, I've dealt with his mom, she's such a cow)

I was out studying (yes, occasionally I study, don't act shocked everyone)... During my study period, I ordered pizza... We have a great little pizza place that has really decent pizzas 2 for 1... So I bought, and ate to my hearts content... I, by myself, could not finish two whole pizzas, so I carried them home in order to place in the fridge for later consumption... Approximate time 2:30am

Upon entering the hallway towards my room, I saw a light from an open door... Inside the room were several of the guys from high school, three were studying, one was working on art (he paints and draws and stuff) and one was chatting to the others (bet you can't guess which one is the focus of our story... heres a hint, it wasn't the studiers or the painter)...

Figuring they were already up, being relatively respectful in regards to quietness, and I was not on duty, I offered them the remainder of my pizza, offered a few cans of pop which i have stored in my room, and then went to bed...

What a bad bad man I am, eh? Keeping her satan child out till al hours of the night with my drinking and my promiscuity... Oh the humanity...

I hope things start getting better really soon... Boss has said that the kid will be suspended if he gives us lip... So I'm down with that, now all I need to do is find a way to get around the can't touch status that some of the kids have...

They're the preferred children to Boss... And because he hangs out with them, they have been manipulating him, and often get off with wrist slaps when they should be getting suspensions and stuff... Worse yet, they're playing me and Boss like two divorced parents... Except I'm the bad parent that never lets them get away with shit, and so I always find out later that Boss said it was okay...

Im sick of dealing with this...

Ugh...

Whoowee, how am I going to get to sleep tonight?

RA:TTM

Hello Faithful readers..

Well, I'm back! Sort of... I'm not working at petro can for the time being, but I plan on returning next summer...

I was bored and a figured I should update this, since its been so very very long...

Just so everyone knows, due to the nature of my current job (I am a RA:TTM! -- Residence Assitant: To The Max!!!) I am not able to complain about things in public... Or at least thats how I read into it.

I had to sign a confidentiality agreement that pretty much states that my job (well, the parts of it that would be worth putting on this blog) are not to be shared. I like my job (most days) so I will not go beyond my legal agreement and talk about the indivuals I associate with as per my paycheck.

That being said, I am allowed to gripe, so long as my gripage is generalized or about non-dorm stuff... I can also share all the cool stuff that i get to do...

So I have a month and a bit now to reflect upon... I shall try my best to remember certain things, but no gurantees... I'm not so good at the remembering thing...



Initially we were attempting to be Nazi's in dorm. We have high school students which share accomodations at our university... They are considered wards of the school, and in many ways we are allowed to act as their guardian. But, they have rules that they are to follow. They have a manditory study time from 7pm-9pm mon-thur. They have building curfews (10pm sun-thur 12pm fri-sat) and room curfews (11pm mon-thur).

Like I said, in the beginning, we were nazis. These rules were the be all and end all in the concordia universe.

But we slowly started to let them slide. So long as they were respectful. They wanted to make a phone call at 2am? they had to talk quietly... They wanted to study as a group for an exam until 3am? They had to keep the door shut... Needed to go out for a smoke? We wouldnt set the outside alarms until 11pm so that you could until room curfew..

Above all else, they needed to make sure that the girls dorm was not aware that there was a double standard in the way the dorms were operated (the girls have been successful in their attempts to Nazisize their dorm)...

Last Tuesday the male RA's (myself included) were informed that the guys were abusing their privilages... They were going out for 'smokes' and actually walking over to girls dorm to flaunt their freedom... They were telling the girls that they were allowed to stay up late and hang out... They were glaoting about how easy it was to avoid studying during study hours...

No more...

We have since resumed prison status in our dorm

It was an initial shock when the guys tryed to get back to dorm at 10:05 and the doors were all locked... They were banging on it trying to figure out what was wrong (the high school kids are not given outside door keys in order to prevent them from being able to sneak in)..

I dunno how long this will last... It should be loads of fun though... So much moe work for me...

Horrible People

So, after many years of debating what actions the most horrible person would do, I have another thing to add to the list...

See, there are the stereotypical things that a horrible person would do... Kill baby animals, steal from charities, wait in line and decide, once they get up to the counter, to start looking at possible items to purchase.

Yes, these are all horible things...

But if I may, might I add:

Spit chewing tobacco in various places underneath products at a convenience store...

I kid you not. I spent about 4 hours yesterday cleaning the store, and in four locations there was a big gooey gob of chewing tobacco... Beneath car oil, beneath ritz crackers, behind cereal, under garbage bags...

SO FUCKING GROSS!

I was gagging... it was so sick...

Oh, well... I need to go and pack...

Important Information!

No matter how many times I say it, noone ever learns, so I'll say it again

IF YOURE GOING TO HAVE AN ADDCITION, YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW IT WORKS BEFORE YOU COME UP TO THE COUNTER!

Okay, now that that is done, SPREAD THE NEWS! Refer this site and all of its stupidity to every person you know. I am serious. If you have ever worked in retail, I'm sure you have nodded at more that half of the things I've complained about. The sad fact remains that many of the people who have never worked in retail do not know that these behaviors are frowned upon. Not only are they ignorant of the frowning, but they continue to ruin the lives of every reatail person they come in contact with. If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem.

Anyways, I got into a shounting match with a customer today. An actual shouting match, not just the regular voice raised 'You're Wrong!' thing, this was actual yelling...

She was such a stupid cunt (and believe me, I do not use that word very often... and even less often do I feel that anyone is deserving of such a degrading name...)

Her and her boyfriend pull up, and lift the nosal. No problem thus far, I do my intercom message. She comes in. Still no problem.

'Aren't you going to clear him to pump?' She demands!

'I haven't recieved any money yet, have I?' (I'll admit, I was in a bad mood last night to begin with)

'Well I'm standing here'

'I'm not starting the pump until I have recieved payment'

'FINE!!!' she slams $20 on the counter

'Do you want it all in gas' (I tried to be as polite as I could, cuz most of the time customers will just leave if theyre still the only one angry)

'NO I WANT FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS WORTH OF GAS!'

Glaring, I hand her back $15 and clear the boyfriend for $5. I do not say a word.

'Can I get a pack of Matinee Red King size as well?' (said in a snobby manner)

'We do not carry those' (we dont...)

'JUST GIVE ME THE GODDAM CIGARETTES!'

'I TOLD YOU MATINEE DOES NOT COME IN RED!'

'I BUY THEM HERE ALL THE TIME'

'WE DO NOT! CARRY MATINEE RED! THEY COME IN GREEN, WHITE, AND GOLD!'

'I WANT MATINEE RED'

'NUMBER 7 COMES IN RED, WE DO NOT HAVE MATINEE RED'

'I DONT WANT NUMBER 7, I WANT MATINEE RED!'

'WE DO NOT CARRY MATINEE RED!'

'WEL THEN WHAT HAVE I BEEN SMOKING FOR THE LAST 3 MONTHS!'

'IT WASN'T MATINEE RED, AND IT WASN'T FROM HERE!'

'I KNOW THEY WERE MATINEE RED, AND I BOUGHT THEM HERE'

Thats when I snapped... I just didn't care anymore...

She yelled and yelled, and I ignored her... She finally settled on a pack of dumaurier (oh my! Those are red!) and left... thank god



So this is my second to last night working at petro fo rthe summer......

I'll see about topics to continue my blog. Those of you who know me, know how good I am with finding things to complain about... We'll see in the near future.. I apologise if I am not able to update in the near future... The whole province to province move might make things a bit akward...

Guns and umm... Roses? nope.... more guns...

Im gonna make this a short one tonight, cuz I have better things to do...

Today was fun. Had a wigger parading through our store... not touching any of the merch', but still actin' all shady n' all (I'm trying to talk like a wigga in case ya din't notice)...

So I figure he's about to lift something, so I be watchin' him like a hawk, fo shizzle...

Then he spots something outside that he likes... or doesn't like, and starts to boot it out the door... He hadnt grabbed anything so I lost attention...

What happened next is what I am told by both my coworker and the many customers/bystanders who came rushing into the store.

As he was leaving the door, he pulled out a hand gun and began chasing another person (who was at one of the parking lot enterances--on foot) down the street.

A third person at one of the pumps, pulls out a gun and begins chasing after the chaser, screaming for him to put the gun down...

Of course we called the cops... ANd I gave slurpees to all the people who didnt feel comfortable going outside...

Why We Lock the Doors

So, as I'm sure you have guessed, we lock the doors for the graveyard shift... Or maybe I mentioned it before... I'll assume I havent mentioned it before, as I have no interest in going back and readin my 33 or so previous posts in order to see if I have mentioned locking doors... that would be pointless... If I have mentioned that we lock the doors, I apologise, for I will reiterate that we lock the doors. If I have not yet mentioned that we lock the doors I have a surprise for you...

The doors at my gas station lock, and we lock them during the graveyard shift.

Wow... I think i need to sleep, but I will continuenone the less, as it will probibly be a more inyteresting story when you factor in my sleep induced delusions!

Okay, on with the story... that was probibly the longest preamble in my literary history. I should write a note to myself to be more concise with these things...

I digress...

So this topic is going to be a splice of two customers I have had the joy of serving ove rthe last two days.

First we have a barlely coherent homeless person. Hmm... maybe homeless is a bit of an outdated term. I don't want to be accused of being discriminatory... I will call him a house-o-Phobe (kinda like homophobe except house, instead of milk)

So he comes in to pay for his cigarettes. In typical houseophobe fasion, paying entirely in nickes and shiny beads.

Now like most people paying with a lot of change, he announces his purchase (a pack of duMaurier Regular King Size... a bit rich for a person of his public stature, but who am I to judge) and starts counting the coin, that way he can get a bit of a head start in the counting of the coin in the time it takes me to retrieve his mechendise and return. And because he is guranteed the cigarettes are going to cost at least several dollars he does not really need to know the price of the cigarettes until he is sure he is approaching the value he expects them to be (for example, if he thinks theyre going to be about $8 as he approaches completion of his $7 pile, he will ask the value... this is usually the case for all polite coin counters).

Needless to say, he asks for the price.

"$8.95" I respond

"8.95!!!" he screams, still counting his change... He screams some more... then moves on to the obscenities... All the while still counting up to the 8.95 value.

He completes his piles, and assides from the continuing screaming would be the ideal customer. he makes no offensive movements (like he's going to pounce... mimicing some sort of tiger onto a wounded animal) nor does he direct his yelling towards me or any of the customers. And he stands over to the side while I count his change so my coworker can serve other customers.

He leaves the store. Still yelling about how high cigareete prices are.

he even pauses for a second in the middle of the parking lot, so that he can bend over and yell directly at the ground.

Now this isn't voice raised yelling...

No, this is 'I can hear him still through double paned glass from 40 feet away" yelling...

Eventually he turns the corner past our store, and I havent seen him since...





My second door locking story comes form a completely different kind of customer... This is the creep-eww-gross kind of customer that most people would turn their backs to in order to avoid their crackhead/nose-running-down-to-their-chin goodness. Anyways, I was moping the floor, and my cooworker was doing something behind the counter... I think he was making coffee... or baking... or maybe he was doing dishes... Who really knows... I dont, nor do I really care...

Anyways, there came a rap tap tapping on our chamber door (quoth the raven 'nevermore')

I'm so tired, I need to go to sleep as soon as Im done writing this...

As i was saying, someone knocked on our door... And my cowrker let them in.

So now I have two crackeheads running through our store (he had brought his pseudo-prostitute girlfriend with him it seems... I call her a pseudo-prostitue because from the looks of her, I doubt her ability to charge when so many attractive girls in Cloverdale are giving it away for free)

Anyways, she runs straight for the bathroom... Hopefully to take some sort of contraceptive... we dont need these things reproducing... and he runs straight for the slurpees (drink the mountain dew sir, apparently it decreases your sperm count... drink a lot of it... please)

wow... Im an ass when im tired...

okay okay, back to the story.

The guy fills up an extra large cup with grape slurpee... And then proceeds to walk straight out the door...

Now, you're probibly thinking "what kind of idiot drinks grape slurpee?"

Okay okay, I know... you are actually thinking "what kind of idiot walks past two employees out a door with merchandise in hand, only to sit on a bike and wait for a crack-whore girlfriend... but now that you mention it, who does drink grape slurpee?"

But boy, does it get better...

He gets outside with his newly stolen slurpee... grabs his bike... sits on it... gets off his bike, poors the slurpee on the ground (I wish i could say this was a waste... but is grape... eww grape...) and proceeds to perform an angry tap dance on the now emptied cup...

He also started yelling... Perhaps he realised the err of his ways, and then thought to himself 'they probibly wont let me back in to grab some mountain dew, are they' leading to the little dance rutine that led to the demise of the cup....

So yeah... these are the type of people who i am defended from by the means of a solitary magnetic lock. If the power ever goes out, these people are going to have free range of me, Im sure...

Anyways, Im going to bed... g'night all!