I laughed at work today.

The theme today for the radio station I listed to was "fashion"... so people call in and request songs that have to do with the topic and the DJ picks a few of them to play during the lunch hour.

This song made me laugh... and think...

LAZYBOY - Underwear Goes Inside The Pants

Why is marijuana not legal?
Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons.
That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.I
f everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"
"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is? Obesity.
They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio.
Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."
Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized.
Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker.
There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,"You'll see. I'm going to take over the world of computers! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys.
Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do?
Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack?
He's homeless.

I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says "why don't you go get a job you bum."
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants.
I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.I
'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.

Grandeur

Post Secrets is an amazing tool.

I use it to laugh, reflect, dream, laugh, cry, laugh, and be inspired.

One that really hit me was from a week or two (or three) ago was a guy, simply holding a sign saying something along the lines of "I truely believe that some day I'm goig to change the world"

I think that applies to me as well... I don't know how, and I dont know what... But theres just a feeling deep inside that despite all my laziness, I'm intended for greater things...

Yup... was thinking about that I was playing wow tonight.

Just Do It

Yes... work stuff is fun... Video games are fun... Toga parties are fun... Thats my life in a cookie jar

BC party

So at the risk of offending people in BC that I havent seen since arriving the other day (and possibly wont see due to the busyness and nature of my visit) here I am.

I've spent most of my trip out here quite sick. First it was because of the rapid and all-encompassing strip-mall-ification of my home town... Swear to god, I love starbucks... but theres like 11 more within walking distance of my parents house... and my parents live on a farm which is moderately well removed from from the city (although they do have city water, dsl internet connections, mail boxes, and garbage pick-up... all those modern conveniences I didnt get in my 12 years living here)

But yes... and if it isnt a strip mall, its a cancerous growth of townhomes... Don't worry folks... 300k will get you a nice little starter townhome with a LOVELY view into the bedroom of the exact same townhouse across the 14' wide alley (from both the front and back)

My parents dog's hate me... well... the jack russel terrier does... she just snarls and bites whenever I am nearby. The chiuauas just pee... on whatever and whoever is near them when I am around...

Yup...

I suppose I should make the most of my visit and get off the computer. I dedicate this video to Matty, Amb-sie-poo, and -J...