Gross Stupidity, and Just Plain Gross

Another weekend work binge (joy!) and another swath of stories... but Ive been awake for the better part of 30 hours, so I may be a little more brief than I would like to be...

After dealing with drunk people for a few hours, I had, more or less, been pushed to the brink of what I could handle in regards to stupidity... Drunk people are stupid, go figure, eh?

Well... thats not the problem... the problem stems from otherwise sober people (or mostly sober... I'm not here to jusdge)...

You see there are many things I would suggest doing when you start pumping gas... Scan the site looking for drunk hotties; there are usually quite a few of them on friday and saturday nights... Or you could watch the screen by the fuel pumped screen which displays advertisements of products to buy inside the store... Or you could phase out while contemplating the meaning of life and the interrelation of mind body and spirit...

One thing I would NOT recommend doing when you start pumping your gas is... wait for it, wait for it.... light a cigarette...

Needless to say I had a few choice words come out over the intercom... I wont repeat the expletives here, for I'm sure you can all imagine the words I had to say... But rest assured I ended, in a very angry tone, with the word PLEASE!

Something along the lines of "your going to kill us all, put out the cigarette, please"

(For those of you that are wondering, the places I may have sworn are indicated with the spaces)

Now... This is all fine and dandy (the guy actually gave me the finger before he put out his cigarette) but, I kid you not, less than an hour later, a person tries to pull the same shit...

I could have died...

It would have been the biggest explosion in canadian history since the 1917 halifax thingy where a bunch of people were hurt and/or killed...

I could have died twice!

Which leads me to the next topic of choice... People who buy things they shouldn't...

Well, it's not that they shouldn't, because who am I to judge a person... But none the less, I could have a lived a much more happy and meaningful life having avoided these experiences...

These stories have the potential to be a little bit riske, so if your sensitive, replace any objectionable words with puppy...

Here goes...

A man, with a long flowing unwashed white beard and all but 30 hairs gone from the top of his wrinkled comes to the counter and says in a raspy I've-been-smoking-for50-years-voice (overt your eyes):

"I need condoms, lots of condoms"

This guy would have been sensored from Kink...

*shiver*

He also bought pepperoni and smokes...

Later in the evening (thankfully God allowed me a little recovery time, unlike with the smoking) a man, with the whole Im-a-perv look comes in and buys some condoms...

Overall creepy people buy condoms quite a bit, perhaps there is a subculture I am unaware of, where women like the skinny pale skinned 40 y/o mamas boy look, but again, who am I to jusdge...

I digress...

This same man is back about 10 minutes later and asks if he can use the washroom...

On his way out, he politely comments on the fact that there is no more tp left in the washroom...

Since I was still couting on another major bar rush, I figured I would stock up on tp rather than having thirty bimbos complaining about how they had to use paper towel to wipe...

I lock down my fort, double check that there isnt someone walking to the door at that very moment and then make a break to the stock room and then to the washroom...

Thats when I find the surprise (brace yourselves people)

A spent condom is stuck to the inside rim of the toilet (and the last person to use the washroom before him was me... and trust me, I didnt put it there)...

I dont think you can understand how much, at that very moment, I was thinking "I am not getting paid enough"...

I tried flushing the toilet a couldnt of times, completely disregarding the fact that it says on condom wrappers that latex condoms are not to be flushed... I certainly wasnt about to pick it up and put it in the garbage...

I eventually resorted to coaxing it into the bowl with the toilet plunger, burying it with tp so as to provide ample weight the gurantee the disgusting lump of plastic and man-seed was whisked from my life...

Now if only I could find a large roll of metaphysical toilet paper and a large metaphysical toilet so I could get this memory out of my head...